I'm too tired to work so I just read my last 9 months worth of blog entries in response to the same masturbatory impulse that makes me love staring at good pictures of myself and laughing at my old repeated jokes time and again. Wow do I have nothing worthwhile to say ever!
Anyway the only thing I need to talk about right now is that my favorite Jehovah's Witness is back and she got a BRAND NEW WIG! It's just as unconvincing as her old wig, but it has highlights.
Maybe I'm wrong, but if the point of covering your hair is to curb vanity, doesn't buying a wig with highlights TOTALLY DEFEAT THE PURPOSE?!? But whatever, maybe they don't wear wigs for that reason, maybe they have eyes growing out the backs of their heads, who even knows with Jehovah's Witnesses? Can they use the Internet? I hope not.
Anyway the SADNESS OF MY LIFE is that I saw her from down the street, so as usual, I mentally prepared myself to smile and say hello and made sure I had no offensive books in my hand this time, and I was extra excited to see her after her winter-long sabbatical from my life, and then I got to her and SHE DIDN'T EVEN ACKNOWLEDGE ME! It hurt. After all we've shared! All the good times.
It hurt only until I realized the truth: Not only do Jehovah's Witnesses live in caves with no Internet and wear nothing but Laura Ashley, but every few months they go to a secret facility in the Nevada desert and have their memories wiped clean of everything but their love for... whatever it is they believe in. The lighthouse or whatever. I'd call it a conspiracy, but it already WAS a conspiracy so big fucking deal right?
Right.
Praise Jesus.
memories wiped clean? real life dollhouse???
ReplyDeleteExcept without the crumbly, secret-agent cookie goodness.
ReplyDeleteYeah...Jehovah's Witnesses do use the internet. So now we know what you're saying about us behind our backs!!! Bwa-ha-ha-ha-ha!!!!!!
ReplyDeleteSorry, I don't own any Laura Ashley.
ReplyDeleteI mostly wear linen or cotton skirts with a comfortable shirt when I am participating in our ministry work. We strive to look clean, neat, and respectable at all times, in honor of our God and Creator, but if you would run into me at the store or in the garden I'd be in jeans and a tee shirt.
Oh, and obviously I own a computer and am frequently on the internet. In fact, Jehovah's Witnesses have an official website, if you're interested in checking things out there. - www.watchtower.org