Oh hi.

Happy Schlubby Wednesday everybody!

In case you have no powers of deduction, Schlubby Wednesday is when you dress schlubby (i.e. junky) and also probably don't do your hair either. Like maybe after your shower you see your dude's dirty old t-shirt that doesn't fit you crumpled into a ball in the corner, so you put it on and then you put on your oversized hoodie because they have one of the same color and then you put a hat on while your hair's still wet so it dries sticking out at odd angles. And then you forget to shave. That's Schlubby Wednesday.

Anyway I haven't blogged in two weeks, so I'm behind on some very important Fuck Yous.

• Fuck you, Subway, for taking tuna off of the $5 footlong menu. That was so mean, and you only did it because it was the best one! So for every extra dollar I spend on a footlong tuna, you get another million years in HELL. And fyi hell is not some namby-pamby 15-second flash toasting in the oven. In hell, you are bread burnt to charcoal by the flames of unending torment and then painfully reconstituted and burned again but before that Rachael Ray makes a sandwich out of you! That's what happens in sandwich franchise hell. Read the bible.
• Fuck you, Citibank, for cancelling my card and not telling me so I was stranded today with no cash or ability to do ANYTHING NOT EVEN CHECK MY BALANCE OR ESPECIALLY EAT! Apparently if you shop at a store whose something something is compromised, they cancel your card as a precaution. Yeah, thanks for looking out for me and almost making me starve to death, Citibank!
• Lastly, fuck you children and the elderly, obviously. Same reasons as last time.

Oh as to your question "What have I been doing for the past two weeks?", the answer is "I have no idea, they just kinda disappeared."