If you are a close follower of my Twitter account (and you should be), then you already know that my body weight has reached an unprecedented 190+ pounds and that this exciting milestone was reached Wednesday evening on the scale belonging to my friends Mark and Kandace, who outdid themselves at this year's Thanksgiving feast. Kudos, guys.
Now if you'll all please consult your star charts, you will see that Wednesday evening fell precisely 18 hours B.B. or BEFORE THE BINGE! God only knows where I stand now that Thanksgiving has come and... sort of stuck around.
TG is over, though (and t g for that), but that doesn't mean the end of my rampant expansion because my subsidized calendar states that tomorrow starts the Month of Southern Comfort Eggnog and Cranberry Bliss Bars for Every Meal. (Gregorian is so 16th-century.) And the MoSCEaCBBfEM is everyone's favorite part of Fat and Gluttony Season Brought to You By Crisco. This is the best time of year for personal growth. And by growth, I obviously mean engorgement.
So from now until Month of Regret I have 31 days to break the big 200! (Yes, January has been purchased by the very CONCEPT of regret, which I'm pretty sure is a subsidiary of Taco Bell.) Anyway, I know I can count on all of you for support and food donations and invitations to get ice cream 5 times a day. Thanks!
[Oh and before you get your pretentious bile all over my new Slytherin tie, I stole the subsidized calendar bit from Infinite Jest, which no, I have not read all the way through.]
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