Alex said: "Write me a poem about Jean-Claude van Damme."

Jean-Claude, Jean-Claude,
Your waist is thin, your chest is broad.
When you kick ass we all applaud.
Jean-Claude, Jean-Claude.

Van Damme, Van Damme.
Where were you during Viet Nam?
Stronger than a battering ram.
Van Damme, Van Damme.

Jean-Claude, you fraud.
Your awesomeness forever flawed.
As my heart melts, yours can't be thawed.
Jean-Claude, you fraud.

Van Damme, ladies man.
You treat me like an also-ran.
Threw my love in the garbage can.
Van Damme, ladies man.
I'll save my heart for Jackie Chan.