You got to have friendsters.

I've just registered for yet another online networking site. As you know, friends don't count unless you document them on as many websites as possible, read their blogs, and force them to take asinine online quizzes to find out what evil dictator or Disney vagina they are. This one is called Bebo, and I joined it because one of my coworkers is on it, and I don't have her on Friendster, Facebook, Connexion, or MySpace. When I talk about people with my friends and they ask me "Who's Collin?" I will refer them to a Facebook profile. When they ask me who Laura is, all I can say (until now) is "She's my coworker." Every time I mention her, they forget who she is. Now they will not only know her face, but also her hobbies, her favorite movies, what she looked like in high school, where she shops, and what her friends think of her. This is true friendship.

How many of these things do we need? Is there a point where we will look around and say "Yes. I am popular enough. I am secure in the number of people with whom I claim to be friends online. Now I believe I will go out into the real world and see if I can have some actual sex with something." I tend to doubt it. These things are rife with validation. And they do occasionally lead to actual sex. And the best part is that you don't have to be attractive. You just need one good picture where your extreme fugliness is masked by good lighting and the perfect camera angle. Make sure your pock marks are smoothed out by the grainyness that can only be created by a cell phone camera, further establishing your hip trendiness and associated popularity. When you finally get with that hot 20-year-old scenester from MySpace or shy but deep college jock turned human sexualities grad student on Facebook, it will be too late for them to say "Why didn't you tell me you were so fucking ugly?" People never stand up for themselves. On top of that, ugly sex is usually better than no sex at all, and what are the odds they'd be able to find someone else that same night? This is why we love these sites.

I'm no better than anyone else. I'm a member of more networking sites than anyone I know. I had Facebook sex two nights ago. It was good, and I'd do it again. In fact, I fully intend to.