Happy Belated Yule, everyone! That was yesterday, you know. The winter solstice, the shortest day of the year. The shortest day, meaning it only gets brighter from here. Winter is on its way out, making Yule a beacon of hope that spring will come again. Don't you love Yule?
Ha ha ha, I tricked you! Yule is a pagan sabbat! I wish you a happy Yule because I am secretly a general in the War on Christmas! It is the shortest day of the year because the evil witches are plunging the world into eternal darkness and burning Santa Claus dolls over their wicked cauldrons!
I hope your impressionable teenage daughters are not in the room because the vile stink of heathenism emanating from this blog will turn them into devil-worshipping Sabrinas!
Do I smell burning pine? Oh no! It is your tree! Ha ha ha! My anti-elves have arrived sporting menorahs, and your living room is ablaze with the Fires of Alternate Cultures, spreading the Fumes of Diversity across America! They are now chasing your cat down the street yelling "Happy Holidays! Happy Holidays!", slowly changing his brain chemistry with secular greetings until he questions his faith in Christ.
Victory!!! Your cat is an agnostic!!!
Beware! There is no escape! Christmas is dead! Long live the ambiguous yet diverse Dominance of the Minority in what was once a solemn, religious season!
Oh, and I stole your baby Jesus.
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