100 Things

I'm going to do this dumb thing I've seen people do where you write 100 things about yourself because it looks like fun. It's the only meme I will ever participate in on here, so don't be too quick to dismiss me as one of "those" bloggers. I already have a livejournal where I feel free to be one of "those" bloggers, but for some reason, I don't feel like putting this list there, I feel like putting it here.

100 Things
1. I never update my blog or clean my house.
2. This is because I have no motivation or follow-through and
3. I am lazy.
4. Too lazy to even get up and feed the cats sometimes
5. (I have three cats, you know)
6. [Number six is all about my cats]
7. so I live in filth.
8. I don't like when people touch my head
9. Especially from behind
10. so don't do it, ok?
11. I'm afraid of mushrooms, but I'm trying to conquer that fear by eating them in small doses
12. But that kind of empowerment shit never works, so basically I hate mushrooms and also, I don't eat vegetables except onions and salad once I pick out all the gross things.
13. I used to think hating food was a character flaw, but today I decided that's retarded.
14. It's time to go to Copper Cup to get my daily beverage so I'll brb, ok?
15. I'm back.
16. I like to write things like brb in my blog and in e-mails
17. Y'know, because of the irony.
18. Sometimes when I'm all alone, I have conversations with people as if they were there. I practice future conversations, or I go over how I wish something should have gone.
19. I also pretend to tell things to people like my feelings or things from my day because this is how I work things out in my head... as if I were telling someone else.
20. Sometimes this extends to when I am walking down the street or alone in my car with the windows down at a stoplight.
21. People probably wonder who I'm talking to. But I know.
22. When I'm not talking to myself, I'm probably spacing out. Don't be offended, you're not boring, and I care what you have to say. I think I have a problem with my brain.
23. I like meat.
24. It's one of the ways to my heart
25. but
26. If you screw it up, it's a deal-breaker.
27. Pressure's on.
28. Sometimes I say things I don't really mean just to say them. If you question me, sometimes I'll back it up, and sometimes I'll say "Yeah, I don't know why I said that, I just did."
29. Sometimes I really do think I have a problem with my brain (see #22), but sometimes I think that everyone thinks that.
30. Somebody once told me that I think too much.
31. That was like 5 minutes ago, and whether he's right or not, I wanted to mention him here so he would become my third devoted reader.
32. I have two devoted readers.
33. Maybe 3 actually because someone at umich.edu hits me a lot. He/she/it links from my livejournal, but I'm not sure who it might be.
34. Is it you, valentine? Your livejournal is gone, though.
35. I'm obsessed with talking about my crappy blog and its crappy stats.
36. I appreciate the impact everyone has had in making me the person I am today, even those of you who I don't like very much
36b. (almost really)
37. Sometimes I like to go out to bars, find a guy, and tell him lots of lies about myself.
38. In Louisville, I told a guy all about the psychological hurt I was going through as a result of my career as an escort. He bought me drinks.
39. In Chicago, I told a guy all about how I practice some obscure branch of Native American shamanism. It's obscure because I made it up. I said it because his last boyfriend was a Wicca, and he was still wearing the necklace that he got from that guy. He was interested, and he kept asking questions, so it got hard. Later we had sex, and that shut him up.
40. I feel kinda bad about that one because he's actually a nice guy. I wonder if he's over his ex yet.
41. I've worn the same jeans for 7 days.
42. Do NOT judge me. I've been wearing underwear too. Clean every day.
43. Normally, I do not wear underwear.
44. So far I've been working on this stupid like for over an hour, and I'm not even halfway done
45. But I only have 30 minutes left of work
46. (I still haven't done anything in that arena)
47. So I'm gonna try and plow through the rest.
48. I enjoy the taste of blood
49. but I detest the aftertaste.
50. I am almost halfway done.
51. Hooray, I am over halfway done!
52. I've caught myself using lines from "Buffy the Vampire Slayer" in conversation without even realizing it because I've seen it so many damn times.
53. Not one-liners or anything noticable... but phrases that you wouldn't think I was quoting unless you know like I do that they're not normally part of my speech patterns.
54. The TV show, not the movie.
55. I'm good at Tetris.
56. In fact I'm probably better than you at Tetris because I'm so awesome at it
57. But only the Nintendo version.
58. But not as good as one of my friends because she can get to level 29. At that point, the blocks fall so fast, you can't get them to the side and it becomes impossible to continue.
59. I wear bronzer.
60. and yes,
61. I know that makes me a total fag.
62. But I'm pale, and I need the healthy glow.
63. OH MY GOD, A BIRD JUST SMACKED INTO MY WINDOW AND SCARED THE HELL OUT OF ME!
64. I'm pretty jumpy.
65. I laugh when people fall.
66. And I'm not the only one who does that
67. So don't go all "Oooh, that's so mean" because you find it funny too.
68. Yes you do.
69. This number has been ruined for me because I hate sex jokes and the 6 and 9 don't REALLY look like their having oral sex. Instead, they look like a pair of fetuses.
69. And fetuses don't do that.
70. At least none that I know.
71. Of all things on this earth, the thing that I hate the most is stink.
72. Stink ruins things more than anything. Think about it. If something stinks, it can ruin a party. If you stink, then you can ruin a party.
73. My apartment stinks.
74. I am also afraid of scary clowns (not regular clowns), scary plants (not non-scary plants) and scary spiders
75. But these things are all scary so I'm not a freak or anything.
76. SWM lqqking for same, non-smoker, u b pet friendly, able to stay in and be quiet sometimes but go out and be loud other times
77. Ok, now every 6 and 9 I see looks like a fetus, and I'm starting to feel kinda sick and womby.
78. This is not what I meant/
79. You are what you (excr)eat.
80. I just made that up and laughed at it even though it's retarded potty humor and I even had to spell excrete wrong.
81. I love to use stamp pads, paper shredders, fax machines, photocopiers, scissors, and paper cubes.
82. I'm a secretary at heart.
83. Especially scissors. I love to use the scissors.
84. I used to spend hours at my job at this cafe cutting up old magazines and making things.85. Oops, I forgot to push enter.
86. That's what's sad about the internet. There are no scissors.
87. Somebody should invent virtual scissors where you can open up a webpage and cut things out and make something out of it. That would be cool, but only if there were realistic sound effects. The sounds should be sampled from someone cutting construction paper because that's the best stuff to cut.
88. Sometimes when I'm in someone's bathroom and I don't know them and their toothpaste is sitting there, I'll take it and eat a little.
89. Aquafresh is good
90. but Crest Whitening Expression is my favorite
91. but if you use cinnamon toothpaste, that's kinda gross. I just tried it for the first time recently, and I don't like it because it's not minty and refreshing, it's cinnamony and yucky.
92. Home stretch. See, we're on another set of fetus numbers.
93. I want to set up cameras in attractive people's homes to see what kind of vile bad habits they have.
94. Is that weird?
95. I don't care if you're upset that there are not actually 100 things here because some of them are not actual things. If you don't like it, get your own blog and write your own stupid list in there and follow all the stupid rules. Let's see if YOU can be popular and get 4 hits a day like me!
96. These fetuses got in a fight because 9 was flirting with 6's sister.
97. They're sleeping that way so their butts don't touch.
98. Because that's my least favorite thing that happens when I'm sleeping with someone. I hate when the butts touch, it's so gross and weird to me, I just hate it.
99. Some people have really cold butts.
100.

Oops, I didn't finish. (See #2-3)