So I took this super long 3-day weekend to visit Coral Springs, Florida. I saw Brian, which was kinda the point and everything but the other point was to see The Kid From Brooklyn, his show, which is super good and you all have to come to New York and see it when it comes here.
It's about Danny Kaye, so B had to dye his hair this lurid shade. When I saw it, I remembered that I had forgotten to pack my Natural Citrus Listerine, and I contemplated licking his head to freshen my breath, but instead I didn't and only pretended to in my head.
The show was full of Danny Kaye songs, and they're all really neat. It was real weird because I had cataloged a couple of them in the weeks leading up to the trip, and I came across another one today in one of 4 (count 'em 4) fucking autoharp method books (for self-instruction) that I had to go through today. a) Boring. b) Who gets up in the morning and thinks "Today I must learn the autoharp! To the library, for Lord and Land!"? Nobody.
In Florida, I learned that old people basically just get in the way. If they're not standing around blocking your aisle and ignoring you, they're sideswiping your car, harassing your waitress as if she didn't have 9 other tables that needed her attention, or singing along to every fucking song in a show just to prove that they know them just like my least favorite immature high school friends used to do. Back on the subway in New York, I looked around and realized how young everyone was and was happy until I realized that everyone was standing around blocking my exit and ignoring me, but at least here you can swear at people and tell them to move and sometimes even push them a little bit without having to worry about paying for hip replacement surgery.
Also, drag queens in Miami Beach are pretty (like prettier than most girls) and all have real boobs, but nobody is as skinny as Vicky St. James. ...Or me, I'm a size 8, which I think is pretty good for being both 6'4" and a guy. I wore my new girl jeans out on Sunday night, and I got spoken to inappropriately by two attractive Miami boys, so I'd consider that a success.
Ya know, It's funny that you mention that specific type of listerine......that's what I use. Maybe I should switch to the other kind, but i'm afraid my hair will turn green.
ReplyDeleteDid I know about the two boys????
Yeah, you were totally standing there for the first kid at the bar, remember when I pulled you over? Also, green hair is a deal breaker. Like halitosis. Non-negotiable, don't argue with me, best of luck to you.
ReplyDelete