Open Letters

Dear Sirs and Madams:

It would appear we have an issue that must be dealt with. Please scroll down to find your personalized letter and take the necessary steps to respond. Your haste is appreciated, though waste will not be tolerated.

Hope you are well,
~2H~

Letter #1

Dear Subway:

It came to my attention last night that you may or may not have altered the recipe for your tuna. By my calculations, the tuna I had last night tasted largely the same as usual but with about 20% more deliciousness added. What is your secret? Have you done the same at all 30,000+ of your international locations? Do they eat tuna in India? Please respond and I would also like a free t-shirt.

Keep eating fresh,
~2H~

Letter #2

Dear Old People:

Would you please stop OH WAIT I forgot you can't use the internet ok nevermind.

Letter #3

Dear Chickens of the World:

How many of you are there!? OMG think about it, like how many chickens get eaten each day? There are millions of restaurants, and all of them need SO MANY CHICKENS like EVERYDAY! WHERE DO THEY KEEP YOU ALL!?! What is it like? Do you have to have lots of babies all the time? How many of you share a studio? Do you save on rent?

Curiously,
~2H~

Letter #4

Dear Cows of the World:

Same goes for you except you're even bigger!

Mooo,
~2H~

Oh my God, why are 75% of my letters about or addressed to foods?

Poll: McDonald's today yes or no?