Dirty, Pretty Things

Who gave it permission to be hot today? It's totally cramping my brand new style!

What's that, you say? I haven't told you about my brand new style? Well I'll be!

It began because I'm starting to hate all my clothes so I decided instead of throwing everything out in a rage, I'm going to try to find new ways to wear old things. So basically I established the Rule of Three, in which I must wear at least three (3) garments and an accessory. Shoes do not count. This way, I force myself out of the bad habit of just throwing on a shrit and a sorta matching pair of jeans every day. It's been working beautifully even though half the stuff in my closet I haven't worn or washed in... years or ever.

Today, for example, I'm wearing a medium-purple shirt, a cream-colored zip-up hoodie sweater, tan jeans, and a thin, flimsy brown scarf tied in a sort of ascot style underneath it all. Yes ASCOT because I am fashion forward now and I own 7 smoking jackets and a pipe. And I'm a queer.

Anyway, going into my closet in the morning is SO MUCH FUN now because of the possibilities. It's funny how putting effort into your life can make it better, right?

So soon I will know the things I really do want to get rid of (I'm still going to get rid of stuff) and then I will be the most stylish person in all the land. Of New York. Right.

Oh and I forgot to tell you why I'm nervous. I'm nervous because ok I got My Stepmother Is an Alien on Netflix and when it came, it was all shattered into a million pieces so I reported it broken and sent it back, and then the next one came and it was cracked down the middle! So I reported IT broken too and sent it back, and now I'm super scared that the third copy will also be destroyed and they'll think I'm doing it on purpose, like destroying copies of My Stepmother Is an Alien the world over, and then they'll cancel my Netflix account for abusing it and I WON'T BE ABLE TO WATCH SEASON 3 OF XENA: WARRIOR PRINCESS!

My left eyeball feels larger than normal, should I be concerned yes or no?

Buffy's Boho By Bobo Bonobo

Seriously, let's talk about this. This is Sarah Michelle Gellar before some Oscar's afterparty. Any of you who know me are aware that I'm this huge Buffy fan and that none of the cast can ever go wrong by me (except that no amount of money would ever be enough to make me see The Grudge 2.) And if you Photoshop out her dress and cheeks, Sarah's skin and hair look fantastic. But come on.

First of all, unless you live in a mudpit, the color burlap has been out of style for 500 years and is never coming back. I'm not sure how this works, but the dress actually clashes with the adorable gold clutch and those 10,000 fortune-teller bracelets. I don't quite understand the earrings, but I like them even if they make no sense. My guess is she forgot to take them off when she changed out of her 60's go-go-themed outfit she was possibly wearing earlier.

And darling, we know you're short, but we'd still like to be able to locate either your hips or breasts. Good dresses have one or the other, if not both. And don't make any excuses about comfort because those shoes prove that it is not a priority (but they're very cute if also inexplicable.)

It's weird, it looks like every part of her is trying to wear a different outfit, and the torso was trying to put on something "neutral" to bring together the various attractive but disparate choices of the rebel limbs and head. Either that or the outfit was picked by a clairvoyant monkey.

But then Crazy Claudette the Cosmetics Cadet came along and said "YOUR BLUSH MUST MATCH YOUR EARRINGS WHERE IS YOUR ORANGE BLUSH???" Now sometimes makeup can match an accessory, but if that accessory is the color Livid Orange, it might be best to have your make-up match your face. I know I'm nitpicking here, but that's the way of it.

I dunno, I'm just disappointed. What the point of having awesome hair and glowing skin if you're just going to ruin it with a Black and Tan that's far from intoxicating?