Selling It

Regarding my boring not-fit-to-blog life, David told me to sell it, to SELL the paint drying, so that is what I am going to do. Please give me $50 to continue reading.

This is my stuffed Wailord, the baleen whale Pokemon, flying in from the west. He is a stuffed animal Kevin gave me because he knows good friends are the ones that give the most presents. Right now Wailord is guardian of my pirated DVD's.

Wailord is enormous, which reminds me of this woman at the gym today. She was at the bench next to me laying on it with her legs in the air doing crunches and she had this big ol' chick butt, right, and I went over to rack some dumbbells and get smaller ones because I am a pitiful weaking when she farted right there with her ass in the air!

It was so loud I thought Jesus was coming back but then I realized what happened and was able to save myself from falling to my knees. I didn't want to go back over to my bench so I just pretended to look at the weights for a while when I realized the weights I wanted were on the rack right next to her butt so I decided to do another exercise instead.

I dunno why when that happens everyone's supposed to keep quiet and pretend they didn't notice because it's so awkward that way and it's not OUR fault, so anyway any normal person would have the decency to run away crying but not her, she just kept on crunching, which I guess I'm supposed to respect but I just don't. At least she wasn't doing squats.

Right so moving on these next three pictures represent the TOTALLY AWESOME BORING STUFF I DID LAST NIGHT:

I read a book with my cat.

I ate this sandwich. (Foot-longs at Subway are just $5 for a limited time only!)

I organized my comic books and caught up because I was a few months behind in reading. I'd just like to say that if the Buffy series doesn't freaking quit it with the over-the-top ridiculous Dracula crap I'm doing to quit reading them, just kidding I'm too much of a fanboy to quit so I'll just go over there and do violence on the writers.

BANG like that!!!

Oh my God, I can't believe I read comic books... it just sort of occured to me...

I am a buff mountain man

I did it! I went to the gym yesterday at 3:30ish and it was toto empty and I had the greatest workout ever! It was fun, and there were still some sexy guys around, but it didn't bother me because they seemed like good people. The kind of people who understand that everyone has to start somewhere.

Plus, no matter how stupid I looked, there was a guy there who looked stupider, and I could see other people looking at him like an idiot. He was really beefy and into himself, and he kept flexing in the mirror, and when he would lift, it was all stuff that was way to heavy for him, so it was all GRUNT, UNNNNGH, AAAAAAAH, ONE! And he'd count out loud to make sure we all knew how good he was. I was kinda hoping he would drop something on his foot, but he didn't.

Then this douchebaggy, chubby Korean kid decided to bask in his reflected manhood and started talking to him about sports, but it didn't work, he didn't look any manlier.

Anyway, back to how awesome I am. You wouldn't believe it because I even had no trouble doing my triceps kickbacks. Those are always the last thing I do on arm day, and I get really nervous for them because I'm tired by then and I suck at the exercise as it is because I have no triceps muscles and also sometimes I fall down. But yesterday I was like WHOOSH and I did them all no problem! It was incredible, I looked in the mirror and thought "Whoa, didn't that guy star in Troy??? Oh, no wait, that's just me."

Anyway don't be jealous that I look like this:

and you look like this:

Today is legs and butt day.

Iron

Yesterday I was sitting at home at 8:45, and I realized I hadn't been to the gym since Jesus died (I let myself go in my grief) and I'm not sure how it happened, but I just got up, got dressed, and went to work out.

I was especially excited on the way over because I figured since it was 9:00, the place would be pretty empty. So la ti, I got there and the C/V area was actually kinda busy, but I worried not because it's always like that, even at 6:00 a.m. when there's nobody on any other floor. I found a machine because I like to run for about 5 minutes on a treadmill just to warm up before I lift, but there happened to be this REALLY beautiful and built man on my personal TV, so I used him as motivation and ended up running until 9:30 when the show ended. It was pretty cool. He was blonde and wearing a blue shirt and was in a gorgeous house, so if any of you know what show that is, please TiVo it for me next time it's on.

Right. So after my extended warm-up, it was time to head upstairs to hit the weights. Ok, there are two weight rooms. Maybe three, really. One is for girls. The other is for girls. I would love to work out in one of those, but neither have free weights heavy enough. So I have to work out with the boys, and at 6:00 in the morning when I've been there in the past, there are only a couple boys, and it's been cool. Last night, I was excited for there to be ZERO boys because it was so late at night, but there were THOUSANDS of them!

They were all over! Sitting on every bench, lifting every weight, hanging from things! It was like nothing I had ever seen before except this one really outrageous orgy scene on the internet once. And even in that, they were all skinny Bel Ami men. These were Falcon men. They were Titan men. In fact, I wouldn't be surprised if a couple of them actually battled Hercules.

This is one of those reasons I hate being gay. Do you know what it's like for something to be so intimidating, yet so arousing? People in there actually saw me come in because I stood out so bad. I had to leave, I was way to embarassed to work out. There was one guy against the wall doing HANDSTAND PUSH-UPS! You can't expect me to push my ego aside when there's that kind of Cirque du Soleil bullshit going on!

On the way home, I decided exactly who I was going to talk to and say "You need to make fun of me, I just chickened out at the gym." Luckily, he was online. He came through, called me a "puss." I chose him because I knew he'd use that word or something like it.

Anyway, so I went to bed and set my alarm for extra early because I'm going to try something new. I didn't feel like going to the gym super-early today, so I came to work at 7:00, which is the earliest I've ever been here. This means I can leave at 3, and I'm going to see if the gym isn't less crowded then. Because honest to Pete, I don't think I can handle another overwhelming experience like last night. All I need is a month or two of near-solitary weight lifting. Once I can lift an amount befitting a... what's the word.... male, I'll be totally at ease among the other... males.

I don't know what my problem is, but none of you are allowed to say anything to me because you're all the same way.