Show me the light

There are some trends that just shouldn't be. We all know this. Ugg boots, popped collars, garden shoes, obsessively belting otherwise cute clothes... historically, we're talking wallet chains, leggings, huge flannel shirts, anorexia... With all the horrible ideas attractive people come up with, it's a wonder anyone has sex at all anymore.

But there's one trend that I'm totally on the fence about, so I'm hoping to work out my feelings towards it by improvising a blog entry and seeing where I end up. I'm excited to see the result.

Today's topic is Old Lady Sunglasses.

My mom used to wear these things about 12 years ago. They were huge and dark, and she'd wear them with a big green winter coat with a huge fuzzy collar, and then she'd be chewing gum with her trademark wide toothy grin. Now that I'm older, I think my mother is beautiful when she smiles, but at 12, I was mortified when she picked me up from Hebrew school looking so bizarre. But I'm going to try to push aside those memories of the past in evaluating how these same sunglasses function today. It is, after all, a new millenium.

The Good:

The Bad Ass:

The Bugly:

Let's examine these closer.

Sarah Jessica Parker IMveryHO looks super cute in giant sunglasses. Her face is narrow, she has that nose that only I like because it's the same as mine, and the look just works, ok? It just does.

Carol Channing is the shit and looks so awesome in giant sunglasses that it makes me want to put her in a box under my bed and keep her forever. But that's mostly because she's totally crazy and if there were no giant sunglasses, there would be no Carol Channing... and vice versa. Carol Channing is the peas and giant sunglasses are the carrots. Giant sunglasses are the cream and Carol Channing is the coffee. Carol Channing is the bran and giant sunglasses are the gelina.

Now the flipside. Yes, Paris Hilton and Lindsay Lohan, and you have NO idea how fortuitous it was for me to find one image file where both of them are looking stupid. They are always the two examples that come to mind when I think "What are the cons of giant sunglasses?" (Well, and Mary Kate Olsen, but I don't even want to get started with her. ...maybe it's Ashley.) Paris Hilton especially looks like a giant, round-faced bug, like the one that would be the eccentric, senile, toothless grandma beetle in A Bug's Life 2. Lindsay just looks screwed up. Granted, I am one of those people who thinks Ms. Lohan has only been hot twice: The Parent Trap and the party scene from Mean Girls.... and I understand that giant sunglasses are only the tip of the iceberg when it comes to the aesthetic dementia of these women, but that's not the topic of this blog so all we are focusing on today is their role as "Hells no!" in the eternal giant sunglasses debate.

So you understand the problem I have.... Two awesome people in giant sunglasses. Two...sub-awesome people in giant sunglasses. The answer "Maybe it depends on the wearer" is too easy, I want to love these things or hate them. What do I do? This is a delicate situation. Advise.