You guys know I'm allergic to peanuts, right?

So I got this raise today. It's a raise that was supposed to have come through over a year ago before I even started working here, so we got these nifty little retroactive paychecks too, which should be like a great Thanksgiving bonus unless you know my raise was like .05%.

I exaggerate, but not by a lot. From what I hear, our union kinda sucks. Yes, union, it surprised me too, but they made me join. My raise doesn't even cover my monthly dues.

On the plus side, I'm finally making 4 digits every two weeks after taxes. Yes, I know, big money. Almost like what a real grown up would make. Have I complained before about the utter bullshit that is my economic tier?

My employer emphasized our great benefits to compensate for the horrid pay scale. And they're pretty ok, I mean there are about 10 doctors in the tri-state area who take my insurance, 2 of whom I have learned are total idiots. And I get a break every day. That's pretty neat, I guess. Y'know, I can stretch my legs. And there's some sort of retirement fund, so every time I get paid I can think "Ooh boy, another 2 minutes at the rest home!"

That retroactive check will cover the jacket and sweater I shouldn't have bought this weekend with maybe a little left over to take myself to a nice meal by myself. Or maybe pay my internet bill, I can't decide which.

But for those of you who are thinking "You shouldn't have taken the job if you knew how badly it paid and how expensive it is out there", I'm gonna say "Eat it, I'd rather be poor in Manhattan than rich in the rural province of Whereinthehell."

What gets me through these crappy moods (in case you haven't noticed I'm in a crappy mood) caused by my uniquely abysmal pay rate is reminding myself (or deluding myself into thinking) that I'm just biding my time until my inevitable stardom takes affect. Not celebrity stardom, I'm not stupid enough to think I'll be famous... but professional stardom. I feel like something's going to drastically change and relatively soon too. It's part of my unshakable optimism that tends to get masked by an often cynical demeanor and tendency to criticize people's outfits.

I'm just not sure what to do to make this change happen because I don't know the direction in which I want it to be. New career? Back to school? Supplimentary job that don't suck like waiting tables does? Surprise inheritance from long-lost biological uncle (every adopted kid's secret daydream)?

I dunno, it doesn't matter right this second. And it's difficult because I do love my job and the people here. We're all smart and fun, and most importantly, we're all underpaid for our talents and educations. So there's solidarity in that, which helps a bit too. Granted, 99% of them are two-income families living outside of Manhattan, but I don't let that get me down. I'm also 10 years younger. And as much as I'd love the financial stability, I'm really ok not being a Mrs.

I forgot what my point was. But it's 5:00, so I'm gonna end this without one. They don't pay me enough to stay late for any reason.... or to quit blogging during business hours. And y'know... I'm really ok with that.