Passions is on!?!?

Does anyone think I'm weird for being attracted to guys like Jim Brickman?

Because it's not just "Oh, he's a handsome man." I actually see a picture like this, and it makes me want to cuddle up with some hot cocoa next to the fire in our cabin while he plays easy listening Christmas tunes on our grand piano wearing a holiday sweater and gazing at me with the firelight in his eyes. And then we'll snuggle on the bear skin rug and read Great Expectations as the snowflakes silently drift by the window and the forest around us quietly slumbers.

I've never thought of myself as the woolen sweater man type, and I'm sure it would get old the next day when I was asked to fucking chop wood or something, but maybe that's what I need right now... a snowy weekend upstate with someone masculine, sensitive, cliche, and... tacky. I wish Indiana Jones were real and available... and gay... and still 35.

Speaking of romance and love I'll never have, I was disappointed this morning when I went for coffee and Sexy Latte Boy wasn't there, but after lunch I passed by again and he WAS so even though I didn't want anything, I got in line. He was working the register this time, so instead of getting a drink he'd have to defer to the barrista, I got tea, which he would have to make himself. But I was SUPER SAD to realize that I was 100% totes mistaken yesterday because the dude is 99% straight, I'm so sure. He just has this boyish way about him with the smiling and the ease with himself, and he tends to be friendlier with people who look like they might be the slightest bit interesting (i.e. not the Greybar businessman type that forms 90% of his clientele.) So there goes that eternal happiness, but I'm still going to go there and enjoy some quality crush time.

Right so following that disappointment, I'm leaving Grand Central and I hold the door for the guy behind me, though I can't do it well because I have hot tea in my hand, which he takes as an excuse to start up a conversation with me, during which he complimented my outfit, asked if I model, wondered why I DIDN'T model, and then told me I could model for him and "maybe more" and that he'd pay me. Lovely. So I don't get Jim Brickman or the Sexy Latte Boy, but I can have the 65-year-old man who thinks I'm a HOOKER!

Then he walked WITH me down the street and I found out he's Jimmy, he lives in a co-op on 44th St., he likes tall thin boys, he can guess my exact height in one try like a side show act, and ummm... right, he reminded me that I'm good-looking and just his type and I'm thinking jesus christ has my complete unwillingness to go home with you not clued you in to the fact that YOU'RE not MY type no matter how many new pairs of shoes I wish I had right now?

Eventually he pieced together that I have a boyfriend (not true, but I let him believe it) because "You're tall and good-looking. You've got it all."

Yeah, dude. I've got it all. Because I'm attractive. I don't know if I'm flattered by that or aghast as his serious lack of insight about what being attractive really gets you. And what it doesn't.