Open letter to Claudia

Work is getting most seriously annoying as somebody is tuning a piano in the lobby (an unbearable process to sit through and one that I thought I would never have to again) and then stupid things keep happening that I have to fix, the most recent being that the Los Angeles Public Library, in their infinite wisdom, when cataloging the guitar music for Story of the Year's first album Page Avenue decided to classify this "screamo" punk rock band as "Contemporary Christian". I'm not entirely sure what gave them this idea, and after investigating the lyrics to some selections (namely "Swallow the Knife" and "Razorblades") I deduced that this was perhaps not an accurate classification. So I was stuck searching the internet for information on this group on a website that would not play crazy music out of my speakers, for you see, I have no control over my computer's volume here at work. It took me quite a while to find a website that was all of silent, void of uncloseable floating ads for various products obscuring the information, and not written by a 13-year-old who thought these lyrics that I read actually had some literary value to someone not angsty and/or suicidal. I finally landed mtv.com, which I had skipped at first thinking it would be loud and ad-ridden. Turns out it's just kind of annoying because it reloads a lot and sometimes the buttons don't work. Anyway, I ended up choosing the subject headings "Emo (Music)" and "Punk rock music". (This whole process would have been made much easier had "Screamo" been a valid Library of Congress Subject Heading, but alas, the closest the database could suggest for that was "Screech owls".)

But I digress. The point is that I wish to avoid work for a moment by writing the following open letter to my friend, Claudia, as I most certainly owe it to her. Hem-hem:

Dearest Claudia,

I am SO so so so so sorry I have not responded to your e-mail from way before and also the myspace message you sent yesterday. You lamented that the only thing you have heard from me is what you read here, and that is why I am responding in the form of an open letter... because of the irony or something, I dunno. I hope you are well.

Things are great here, camp is fun. We made decoupage boxes and macaroni pictures, and I saw a really bad French movie called La Moustache the other day, but I think it might have actually been good and not bad. You can never tell with French movies.

I was thinking of you the other day because I was on a date with this charming Greek boy who will be a rich lawyer within the year, and he made a comment that British people are not "real" Europeans. I did not understand it, but I thought to myself "I wonder if Claudia thinks British people are 'real' Europeans."

Mostly what I do during the day is go to work and then go out and wander around except on the rare days I actually have a friend. It may sound really arrogant to say it, but I'm having trouble making friends because they keep wanting to date me. At this point, the only person I feel really comfortable hanging out with is the guy who broke up with me a couple weeks ago. Also my friend Jerry, he's pretty cool. Anyway, after I'm done hanging out or wandering around, I usually go home and neglect to go on the internet and just sit there with my kitty and read and watch TV. It's pretty nice.

I'm also super good at my job. Today I found out that "screamo" is not a real genre of music, at least according to the Library of Congress.

Come visit soon like you were planning, I definitely have time. We can go to Nintendo World and piss off all the 12-year-olds by hogging the the womb chairs and playing Lego Star Wars over and over again even though the demo time keeps running out. ...Or not, I mean whatever you want to do is fine.

Anyway, I'd better get back to work because I go on break in a couple minutes, and I don't want to miss that. Today I am buying a lock for my gym locker just in case I have to straight there after work because I neglected to in the morning like today. My cell number's the same.

Let me know what is new in your life plz n ty. Even though you are all the way over there, I remain most

Faithfully yours,
~Too Hotty~

1 comment:

  1. Where is my open letter? And, screamo should be a genre, Library of Congress is slow, and I miss you. I miss you I miss you I miss you. And we can be friends because we would not date.

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