I saw another crappy movie this weekend, and it was A Scanner Darkly. It was about drugs and Keanu Reeves as an undercover cop who's apparently on this drug too so he can get info on some overlord or something, I dunno, it was all pretty vague, but then it sorta turns around in a really obvious twist, which may not have been a twist at all. You couldn't really tell if Keanu Reeves was a cop posing as a druggie or a druggie posing as a cop, and maybe that was the point, but I eventually decided I didn't care which it was, and then I started wondering if he would show his penis. Turns out it was animated out, more on that later.
So at the end, it was all "Oh, those weird things Winona Ryder said while she was drunk and all cracked out actually meant something, but it was a secret but it all makes sense now, wow that's so deep. But it wasn't deep.
For some reason that was not made immediately clear, all the undercover cops wore scramble suits, which were these body suits that display some vomit-inducing shuffling of all your features with those of 1,000,000 other people, so your whole body is kinda changing all the time and it's really horrible to look at and nobody would tell what gender or race or even how old or tall or whatever you are. Basically it was an excuse to get some close up face shots of Keanu Reeves "under the hood" looking as expressive as ever.
Oh, and it was animated, but not really. Check out the stills. Basically, they filmed it live action and then colored all over it so instead of seeing pretty Winona Ryder's boobs, you see pretty Winona Ryder's boobs as they would appear in a paint by numbers book. It's neat.
Anyway, the whole thing felt like it was supposed to make you feel bad for Keanu Reeves because "oh, look what those awful drugs are doing to these people" but oh please, I didn't tell the morons to start taking them.
In order to arouse this sympathy, they had bad things happen to the people on drugs. For example, Keanu Reeves mistook a dog for a sheep. He was pretty upset about that one. And I think they used his trademarked Keanu Reeves Blankness to make you think he was getting stupider. But mostly, they just used a bunch of scenes where all of his friends are paranoid about stuff like "Ooh, we're gonna get arrested and caught and there's a conspiracy and somebody stole my chapstick!"
I don't remember any lines, so here's some sample dialogue between me and the movie. The movie is in italics:
Wow, these drugs sure make us paranoid!
Yeah. Drugs'll do that.
Whoa! I'm like totally paranoid!
Yes, I see that.
No, but you don't get it. I'm like... SO paranoid. I can't even handle it.
Okay!
Isn't it funny how paranoid we are? I mean it's total comedy, we're like, paranoid.
There were approximately a billion scene like that, and they were each an average of 4 minutes too long. It got so old, I felt like I was watching Gallagher or an Ace Ventura movie like "GOD just get OVER it, this was never funny!"
But anyway, it's not all bad. Don't pay $10.25 to see it like I did, but it you can sneak in, it might be fun. The animation style is pretty awesome until you get used to it and stop noticing. and don't do drugs before you go because they might trick you into thinking it's really good, and then you'll feel bad about yourself.
P.S. I know it's based on a book that I didn't mention, and maybe the movie makes more sense if you've read it, but I haven't read it and I never will and neither will any of my friends.
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