T[w]o review

"I am so sick of these motherfuckin' losers repeating this motherfuckin' catchphrase!"

Lots of people hated Snakes on a Plane I guess, but they're wrong, it's totally awesome. It's really a lot harder to do kitsch like that than anyone realizes, and Snakes pulled it off expertly. "Oh, it's all hype." "It was totally cheap humor." "The CGI is terrible, those snakes looked like they came out of Super Pitfall." People criticize. The response: Well, yeah!

Hype is fun if you don't think too highly of yourself to fall for it. When I went, I wore my awesome t-shirt (which, incidentally, was better than anyone else's because please, anybody can put a logo on a shirt, but mine actually had the snakes driving the [motherfuckin'] plane).

And anyway, I don't want to see any realistic snakes. I wanna see snakes do shit you know snakes can't do! I wanna see a big fuckin' anaconda eating a guy's head! Of course the CGI is bad...though Kenan Thompson's fat suit was pretty convincing. (I haven't seen him in anything since All That on Nickelodeon.)

I hate when people are all "I can't believe your going to pay $10 to see that movie, it's not going to be good." (They usually spell "you're" wrong when they say things like that.) Do you think I'm retarded and I need your genius mouth to tell me what I'm going to see? Oh yeah, right, I thought it was going to be an entertaining and enriching trip to the theatre (spelled the pretentious way). Good tasting and good for you. If you think you're too good for Snakes on a Plane then great I applaud your obviously learned taste in film, you obviosuly make more money and have more class than me, I don't have any class at all. So don't come, I didn't invite you anyway, I'll meet you afterwards at IFC and you can tell me all about that new artsy foreign film you probably didn't understand in the first place. And then you can explain to me why you paid $50 to see Titanic 8 times.

My second well-written and critically important movie review is about Little Miss Sunshine. Ok, so this movie really is good (in the quality sense) as well as being hilarious and having Toni Colette. It is very important that you stop whatever you are doing right now and go see it. My favorite part was when the guy said "Fuck" really loud. My other favorite part was the grandfather. My least favorite part was all the little girl beauty queens because they were disgusting, and I don't think they were exaggerated very much.

I considered writing something actually useful and thoughtful about this movie since I do have the capacity for that (like right here), but that takes time and whatever, it's just a movie. But there's lots to say, and all of it is good, so just take my word for it like you be doing already for everything else I ever say.