Nupshuls

White people wedding alert!

Here we have the back of my lovely cousin's head and the blurry face of my childhood best friend. They got married this weekend in Chicago, and it was a really really lovely wedding. Among the Top Two of weddings I have gone to, and that's not even counting the Swedish meatballs.

Anyway it was a Catholic wedding, and I guess that means only white people are welcome because that's all there was except this one Pakistani kid, a friend of the groom's. At first I was surprised I noticed such an anomaly, but then I was surprised that I was surprised. And then I just sat there for a few minutes thinking to myself "WOW, I can't believe this wedding is REALLY all white people." Then I remembered my upbringing and I wasn't surprised anymore.

This is my sister and my mom. I turned on the wind machine for this one.

Another reason I liked the wedding is because I was a freaking local celebrity there, being the only person who was both bride-side and groom-side. I was also voted Most Frequently Viewed in the Jennie/Jason Growing Up Video Slideshow playing in the lobby of the country club. (I told you it was a white people wedding.)

Further highlights included the Swedish meatballs again, the Cake of Simple Elegance, my cousin Erica coming through with Aleve for my sinus headache, and "accidentally" being in the bathroom for the duration of the Chicken Dance. But the best part of the day was when I told my mom I hated weddings like this because I could never have one, and she told me not to worry and that I'd have one just as good. She told me all about my cousin's commitment ceremony with her lesbian partner and how it was even bigger. (I couldn't go.) So my mom said all I had to do was wait for my crazy racist homophobic grandma to die and I could have the wedding of my dreams with all my family there. So any minute now. It really was a comfort. I felt much less alienated.

She also reminded me I should find a fiance first, but I reminded her that that's the easy part.

Oh and then my camera started malfunctioning on the dance floor when I wanted to get some shots of my sister and cousins dancing, and the hired photographer came over to give me some advice. It wasn't helpful and when I asked him something specific he said he "didn't know my camera" even though it was a general purpose question, so he got an F for Advice and a D for Effort, but an A+ in Fucking Annoyingness and a B- in Looking Like a 50-Year-Old Virgin.

In conclusion, I'm secretly a sappy person and I always cry at weddings, even Catholic ones. My favorite part is when the new family goes to pray to the porcelain baby and he tells them what to do.

UPDATE: In further conclusion, the following is a picture of my grandma's first cousin, Bernice, who is one of my favorite people in the world and this picture is part of the reason why: