The Adventures

Hi, I had an exciting weekend with almost NO INTERNET! I went to a party Friday where I was the token social outcast, but I met some people and then randomly ran into ALL of them the following night where I was less awkward yet embarassingly WEARING THE EXACT SAME THING because I left the house Saturday morning expecting to just go to the park for a couple hours by myself but ended up having lunch out and dinner with Brian who finally called me back after like 2 weeks I mean 50 years. Whatever.

Sunday after a lovely day of MoMA and dinner at Cafeteria, I went home and watched the end of season one of Xena, where Gabrielle DIED and Xena totally lost her mind and was crying and freaking out so I started crying and freaking out, and Xena was beating on her body refusing to accept her death, and then her She-Ra strength jump-started Gabrielle's heart so I started crying again. To conclude, I have serious emotional problems because I can go to a Holocaust exhibit and hear about the torture and murder of millions of real people and think "Yeah yeah, what else ya got?" but as soon as Gabrielle or Buffy's mom die or even that lesbian in that crappy BBC show about witches, suddenly I need a blanket and a tissue and a razor blade.

Ooh, and I never told you about Thursday! On Thursday, Xena got shot with a poison dart and was weakened, so Gabrielle had to impersonate her to help a town defeat an evil overlord, but she got found out. DRAMA! And then Xena DIED, and Gabrielle did all she could to convince them to let her leave with Xena's body, but the evil overlord was going to draw and quarter it. Little did he know, however, that one of the horses he was using was Xena's, and the horse conspired with the other horses through a series of meaningful glances to not run no matter how much they were whipped. It was the most poignant expression of stalwart heroism in media history. Anyway, it turns out Xena wasn't dead, but rather allowed herself to slip into a voluntary coma in order to fully allow her body to battle the toxin. In the end, Xena told Gabrielle how touching it was that Gabrielle risked her life to bring Xena's body back home, and I cried then too.

Ok now that I've effectively lost my entire readership, let me announce that I'm going to Chicago for a week and a half and getting laser eye surgery, and I probably won't be on the internet at all but wish me luck and prepare to be so jealous of me when I return and can see like a hawk. I plan to have such good eyesight that I can see every pore in a person's face from across a dark bar and will therefore never be attracted to another man as long as I live.