Coccus

Whoa, dudes, I haven't updated since Regina Spektor. That was a long time ago, but ok you can all forgive me because I am all sick and pathetic today.

At 2 a.m. going into Monday I woke up with pretty much the worst sore throat ever. I came to work anyway because I am both masochistic and sadistic, but yesterday I took off and I went to the walk-in treatment center at Duane Reade.

I know!

Yes indeed, dudes and ettes, there are four Duane Reade locations in Manhattan that provide prompt-care non-emergency medical services, and one of them is by my house! They took my insurance and I basically waited for almost no time to see a strangely peppy lady doctor who told me I have strep throat. Which I knew. She also kept me and asked me special questions to make sure I didn't have swine flu, which I guess is a big deal. In case you are dumb, swine flu is this sickness all the kids are into these days. And a swine is a pig.

So I got my prescription, walked across the room to drop it off, bought me a couple books across the street, picked up my amoxycillin, walked home, and did not read my books but instead watched Food Network all day. It was awesome.

When sick, however, the best thing to do while sitting at home doing nothing is to let your feverish brain go on it's own special blend of tangents and see what you can learn. Yesterday I mostly kept the Food Network in the background while I had more important things on my mind such as the disturbing viscosity of Tylenol Sore Throat.

I also thought a lot about fucking Animal Crossing because I am a loser. In case you have a life, Animal Crossing is this supremely retarded game on the Nintendo DS in which you walk around picking apples, catching bugs, collecting seashells, and fishing and then selling your spoils to the local store to raise money to buy furniture. You also make friends with all the little animals that live in your neighborhood and have one personality trait each. It's totally addicting and probably the best thing ever if I had to pick one.

My best friend in Animal Crossing is a squirrel named Blaire. She only talks about boys and dating. One time she compared dating to fishing with a degree of insight far surpassing what I would expect from a virtual world where everybody walks around aimlessly carrying a shovel and falling in holes.

There's also this horrible blue bird that looks like the eagle in the Muppets. His hobby is body building, and he's your typical middle-American douchebag. Every time I talk to him, he says "Today is a good day for being conservative." I'm not even kidding. If he doesn't say that, he tells me he'd rather be talking to somebody else. Probably because he his a homophobe. So I stopped talking to him altogether and now I just follow him around hitting him with my bug-catching net until he decides to move out of town.

Anyway that's what I like to think about. The end.

Just kidding, I do have a much more interesting story about the past bunch of days, but I will tell it to you later bye.