Two-Thousand and Eleventeen

Ok the thing about December is that it sucked. With the exception of Christmas and New Year's Eve, I was in a bad mood approx. 97% of the time. It is with this in mind that I make the sappy admission that the nascent new year actually feels like a clean slate for once.

I've always found it strange that people base their ideological renewal on the period of rotation of a giant rock in infinite blackness, but this time around I'm jumping on that dizzying bandwagon and saying "Huzzah for 2011!" Therefore, let us look back on 2010 and examine my accomplishments (snort). Then I will tell you my two REAL resolutions as opposed to the bullshit ones I do every year.

My accomplishments in 2010 are varied and numerous. They include such monumental feats as "continuing to convert oxygen into carbon dioxide using a complex scientific process most of you don't fully understand" as well as "playing Final Fantasy XIII for 20 hours without killing myself." I'm also quite proud of "having a better attitude than most of my coworkers about my office moving to a shitty neighborhood" and "gaining 5-6 pounds, thereby slightly throwing the earth off its orbit and contributing to climate change and the eventual 2012 disaster that sources say only John Cusack will survive."

But my most astonishing feat of 2011 was definitely "maintaining a romantic relationship for three months (and counting!) without losing interest at a decisive moment a month and a half in and waiting for the relationship to disintegrate on its own." That'll be with Wine Store Guy a.k.a. C.C. Babcock a.k.a. Fafner a.k.a. whatever other nickname I might have used. (They are all the same person. This has been confusing to some people.) Anyway, he didn't know about the threat of sudden disinterestegration so don't tell him. It's past the point of no return for that to happen anyway, so all is well.

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Ok now it's time for everyone to care about my resolutions! I have two this year.

1. Make something every day -- This sounds ambitious, but it's not. Basically, I resolve to do something creative every day. So far, so good. On the 1st, I made a Happy New Year flip book that features Stick Man drinking, passing out from drinking and creating floating Z's, and then the Zs disappear and he dies from alcohol poisoning. I wish I had a scanner so I could make an animated gif for all to see. Then yesterday I came up with the concept for my performance of LoveGame in karaoke league this weekend. Today I am making the costume... or at least buying all the elements of the costume. You may call it lame that so far I have nothing to show for the 2nd and 3rd days of my resolution, but I declare that I spent a lot of time thinking, and that is creative enough and also your resolution to lose weight is boring and shitty.
2. Make New York big again -- I resolve to not sit at home so much is basically what this one says. There was a time when I was constantly out and about, but last year I stayed in my (admittedly comfortable and amenity-rich) apartment. But that's not what I live in New York for. So this year I've subscribed again to Time Out New York and Cory has subscribed to NY Mag, so the goal is more music and art and restaurants. Especially I would like to do free things as long as my BOYFRIEND shows up on time and not at the last possible second so there are no seats left for the Monteverdi Vespers performance.

So that's that. I hope fulfilling those two convictions will lead to a third unspoken resolution: I promise to blog more. This is a resolution that I make every month and it never happens, but if all goes well, I will tell you about all the cool free events I go to and all the shitty little art projects I do at home.

Happy 2011 everybody! Your resolution is "read my blog every day"!