Ah.... Wasn't this fun?

I have a friend in from out of town this weekend. He's coming today, right, and so starting Tuesday I did this SUPER INTENSE HOUSE CLEANING that was so hardcore it needs to be expressed in caps lock.

Houseguests usually require only B-Level Cleaning, but for some reason this week I got totally obsessed and upgraded it to A-Level. If you're wondering what the levels of cleaning are, they are as follows:

A-Level Cleaning -- SUPER INTENSE HOUSE CLEANING meaning going through everything and throwing away half your clothes and many of your belongings, totaling at least 8 garbage bags. I did 9 this time. Also everything gets scrubbed and vacuumed (even the TV) and the cat will probably hide for a couple days and refuse to sleep with you and instead wander around the house crying at 3 a.m. because it's so INTENSE! Requires many refrains of 'Happy Working Song' and possible furry animal assistants. Suitable for spring cleaning and OCD.

B-Level Cleaning -- Your general good clean. Wiping stuff down, dusting, cleaning up extra crap. Moderate garbage bag disposal. Suitable for houseguests, parental visits, and social services.

C-Level Cleaning -- General purpose tidying. Perhaps vacuuming all the cat hair off the couch. Suitable for post-third-date romantic partners who you know are beyond judging you and also for keeping general order in your life. Usu. performed at least weekly unless you're me.

D-Level Cleaning -- Faux cleaning. This involves shoving crap under the bed and kicking dust bunnies into corners and under the couch. Also "Dusting by Hand." Suitable for sudden hookups and Super Bowl Parties if you're gross.

E-Level Cleaning -- Turning off the lights.

Anyway, the cleaning has been so intense that I'm not even done, and when I get home today I'm doing another load of laundry or two and cleaning the bathroom, which I haven't even started. I like cleaning the bathroom, though, so it'll go quickly. Secretly pray with me that his plane is late.

The best part about ALC is all the neat stuff you find (and probably throw away.) I found a fish pen, my cat's favorite toy from like a year ago, a pretzel rod (in tact), about $10 in change, my copy of The Little Prince I thought was gone forever, the Beethoven Symphonies reduced for piano and cut into pieces for an art project I did 2 years ago, and a Game Cube that you can have for free if you want to come to my house and pick it up. There's treasure everywhere! Except the pretzel rod.

Anyway, all I'm saying is that my houseguest had better appreciate it even though he has no idea what the place looked like before. I should have let him sleep in my disgusting, grimy, furry, stank apartment for a night and then done it so he'd know the toil I have suffered for his comfort even though I know I already said it wasn't for him because he only requires BLC and I'm like SO HAPPY about it that it doesn't even matter what anybody else thinks because I feel like a grown up now.

This is the laundry room.

The only problem with all the cleaning is that my house feels really sterile and foreign now, much like Mars. It's got none of my trademark whatever. 'Oh how strange a place to be / 'til Colin comes for me / my heart is sighing....' Ok, it's me and this annoying song in my head for the next three weeks, get ready to want to punch me.