Soy on Boy Action

This article at first struck me as a joke. I mean WorldNetDaily may be useless and ignorant, but that doesn't mean it completely lacks a sense of humor. I thought a little self-parodying might be possible. But no. I realized it was all serious, and as usual when I leave that site, I was filled with the complex combination emotion of amusement, befuddlement, anger, and fear. Also as usual, the anger and fear stick around a bit longer than the others.

Yes, I know it's just another Christian whackjob (NOT to be confused with the regular Christian who is good and fun and intelligent, don't turn this into some comment on Christinanity, it is about ONE freakshow with ONE receding hairline) being ignorant on the internet, but it still bugs me. It bugs me because the number of people who are vocal about stuff like this is rising faster than my estrogen level after my morning Starbucks run. But anyway, back to soy. Let's break it down.

If you're a man, you're suppressing your masculinity and stimulating your "female side," physically and mentally.

I don't think I alone am of the opinion that this this is a fabulous idea for every man to do.

Research is now showing that when you feed your baby soy formula, you're giving him or her the equivalent of five birth control pills a day. A baby's endocrine system just can't cope with that kind of massive assault, so some damage is inevitable. At the extreme, the damage can be fatal.

I kinda think that if hippie babies were dying left and right from soy poisoning, we'd have heard of it by now.

Soy is feminizing, and commonly leads to a decrease in the size of the penis, ...

Whoa! Ok, I can list for you about 100 men who will attest that my penis has not shrunk including one auctioneer who has sworn in a drunken barroom to this fact.

... sexual confusion ...

No, I pretty much get it.

... and homosexuality.

This is one of those logical leaps we were taught against in the 3rd grade. Then again, I can't deny it from personal experience except to say that growing up, my family consumed all parts of the cow, so my gayness cannot be due to the degenerative effects of soy. But that's a logical leap as well. So I suppose I'll respond with "Bullshit!"

Homosexuals often argue that their homosexuality is inborn because "I can't remember a time when I wasn't homosexual." No, homosexuality is always deviant. But now many of them can truthfully say that they can't remember a time when excess estrogen wasn't influencing them.

Ok, I'm thinking really hard, and the only time I can remember this happening is once when I was 6 and my friend wanted to play G.I. Joe and I wasn't in the mood and he said "Wow, your estrogen levels must be high today." But that's it. Once.

Research in 2000 showed that a soy-based diet at any age can lead to a weak thyroid, which commonly produces heart problems and excess fat. Could this explain the dramatic increase in obesity today?

I hope I'm not out of line, but I'm going to posit that the increase in fatness has been caused by people eating more fat. Fast food, huge portions, and our fabulous lack of self-control seems more likely than soy to be the problem. But go ahead if you like. Eat less soy and more meat and see what happens.

P.S.: Soy sauce is fine. Unlike soy milk, it's perfectly safe because it's fermented, which changes its molecular structure. Miso, natto and tempeh are also OK, but avoid tofu.

Thanks. And speaking of soy sauce and miso, people in East Asian countries are huge consumers of soy. Where's their obesity and rampant homosexuality? (I'm going to avoid and obvious and racist joke about penis size.) But c'mon, shouldn't China and Japan be the world's largest producers of sumo sodomites? What does your "research" say about that.

Ok, I'm done. It's time for lunch. I'm going to get this tofu bowl thing from the Japanese place down the street. I'm hoping that with the venti soy latte I had this morning (upgraded from grande in honor of this article), I'll get myself up to a C-cup. My no-milkshake brings all the boys to the yard.