V-Day the right way

[Cue Peer Gynt, Morning Mood]

Ah, spring! No, I mean... Ah, Valentine's Day! It's the one special day every year where you show your friends, family, and especially lovers that they're oh so special and unique and irreplacable. Every February 14th, we buy candy and flowers and we make reservations and we kiss and bat our eyelashes and go that extra step to remind our beloveds that they are indeed beloved.

Oh, and don't you skimp! For some, fagging out on Valentine's Day is akin to forgetting an anniversary and nailing a dead bunny to your lover's forehead. Unforgivable.

But doesn't that all make Valentine's Day kinda pointless? I mean, for all the preparation and money and affection, all you're giving is what is expected when it's expected. Any other day of the year, the very same gestures mean so much more because there is no Hallmark reason to perform. Taking your love to dinner on Valentine's Day is like passing her the remote when she asks you to change the channel. Sure it's a nice gesture and you didn't have to do it... but really, who the fuck cares? That's why I am proposing a new theme for V-Day, more appropriate to that shortened moniker.

My version of V-Day is like Relationship Judgment Day (or Relationship Qiyamah for any Muslims in the house). It's not a day to blindly affirm your relationship, but rather to seriously evaluate it. Are you happy? Are you fulfilled? Do you really love this person? Why or why not? If yes, that's great! Buy yourself a smoothie! If not, then V-Day is your one chance to finally be honest with yourself and get out with no argument and no hard feelings. The theme of V-Day is "no harm, no foul".

The beauty of this system is that all year people will be treating each other extra special in anticipation of that one fateful day when their partner can decide it's not worth pursuing. Also, on V-Day if a couple is truly to stay together (as most couples will anyway), they get a chance to reaffirm why they're so in love, not through little gestures like flowers and gifts, but through honest language. They will share what they've reflected on and sort of renew their vows for another beautiful, loving year.

Nothing will ever be expected, so everything will have meaning. V-Day may be an ugly day for some people, but it already is for those single folks who can't get past the bitterness. In my world, single people wouldn't give a shit about V-Day. And for so many others in serious relationships, it will make the entire year a chance to celebrate their love.