Take this pink ribbon off my eyes

Hi welcome back, where've you been, anyway first I need to tell you about this girl--this drunk girl--that I met last night.

So I was standing in this shitty karaoke bar that I hate now, and I was talking to Mark, probably about how we hated the place, and this girl comes up to us fascinated and says "Are you two together?" So we respond with an emphatic "NO, no, not at all" and explained that I used to be with Brian (Mark's brother who was standing RIGHT there) and then she compared us to Justin and Britney even though we just told her we were not dating.

I asked her which of us was Britney, y'know as a joke. Without hesitation, she said to me "You are!"

Ok listen. First of all, Pop Culture 102: Justin and Britney? Not even. Also, Britney Spears is a deranged pig in a wig, and I am nothing like her.

But I didn't say that. Anyway, then she told us that I was pretty and Mark was cute, so I forgave her. Then she made another comment about us being together, even though I was pretty sure we covered that topic to death.

Then at one point she turned to me and just stared. It was like somebody switched her off, she was just standing there motionless looking at me. So I said "What?" and she puts her hand on my shoulder in that drunk person way and slurs to me "Y'know... I don't know a lot about gay guys.... but you're a girl!"

If that didn't strike me as so funny, I would have been offended. I wasn't, though, so I put on a mask of righteous indignation and said "WHAT? I'm not a girl!" and looked down my pants to emphasize the point (not in a visible way, I'm not some sort of flasher perv.) She explained that she simply meant I was pretty... like a girl. So I guess it was a compliment.

Then I remembered that people tell me this ALL THE TIME. CONSTANTLY! The only celebrities I get compared to are girls (Britney Spears, Tina Fey, Katie Holmes, UMA THURMAN) and men who wear makeup (David Bowie, Boy George, Marilyn Manson).

In conclusion, I defy gender barriers, which I guess is pretty neat, but I still wait for the day when someone compares me to an actual dude.