I just made up a joke. It's really funny.
Q: What comes out of a possessed woman every month?
You can hear the answer in a minute. I always hate when jokes and punchlines are right next to each other because I tend to read two lines at a time like reading one and scanning the one under it to see what's coming ahead, so I usually know the punchlines before the joke is over. Ok, now you can hear it, are you ready?
A: Devilled eggs!
AHAHAHAHAHAHAHAH! Every time I think it, I crack myself up. Next time I see you, you have to pretend you didn't read my blog so I can tell it again. And remind me to tell you the Ghost of the Chicken joke because it gets me every time, but I can't type it.
I have a hard time telling the Ghost of the Chicken joke because as soon as I say the first word, I start laughing, that's how good it is. I also like the Magical Diaphragm joke... diafragm.... diafragm how in the hell do you spell that word? Anyway, I like it, but I'm really bad at telling it. Oh, but maybe I can type it.
Give me a second to look up how to spell diafragm..... ok, it turns out I was right the first time. Ok, time for me joke. Are you ready?
Ok, so you all know the story of Cinderella. Oppressed, depressed, blah blah blah, and the Fairy Godmother makes her a beautiful gown for the ball. But before Cinderella leaves, the Fairy Godmother puts something in her hand and says "Cinderella, I want you to put this in right now. It's a magical diaphragm to keep you safe when you meet the Prince. But be careful because at midnight, it will turn into a pumpkin."
So Cinderella thanks her Fairy Godmother and goes off to the ball.
The hours pass, and it gets to be 11:30, and the Fairy Godmother is waiting up for Cinderella and says, "I hope my Cinderella gets back soon. It's almost midnight."
At midnight, the Fairy Godmother says, "Oh no, I hope Cinderella is alright. Well, I suppose I'll wait a bit longer."
At 1:30, the Fairy Godmother is getting really worried. "Where in the fuck is Cinderella???"
Well FINALLY at 2:30, Cinderella comes home looking all out of breath and dishevelled. Her dress was on funny, and her hair was all mussed. The Fairy Godmother goes to her and says, "Cinderella, I'm so glad you're back. I was so worried! Well, how was the ball? How was the Prince? Did you have fun?"
And Cinderella says, "Well, the ball was kind of a drag, and the Prince was boring. I didn't even feel like dancing, and I was going to go home early.... but then I met this guy Peter Peter!"
SEE isn't that a great joke? Tell me your favorite jokes... in the comments... because nobody comments anymore.
I am so slow, it took me at least a minute to get the "peter peter" joke. As for my favourite, well I don't know if it works outside of Ireland but, what the hell.
ReplyDeleteQ: What do you call an insane egg?
And this is the space so you don't ruin the joke by reading both lines at the same time. Happy? All done? How much space between the two do you need?
A: A mad yoke.
Fricken HI-larious so it is. yoke is an Irish slang that works instead of thing, mate, dude, whatchmecall it, and mad yoke is a common phrase. Everytime I read this it cracks me up (get it)
AAAND you get the award for best couple of laughs of the day....
ReplyDeleteSo now I need to hear the ghost of the chicken joke too...
I can't think of a good joke right now...I know the worst joke ever that I actually laughed at because it was that bad...
"What's the same about an orange and a bicycle?"
"They both have handlebars except one"
Lame, no?
That previous joke reminds me of another. It involves dead babies, so if that's not your style, ignore it. Personally, I detest children, so any tale that shares their suffering brings me glee.
ReplyDeleteAnyway.
"What's the difference between a watermelon and a dead baby?"
"One of them is really fun to smash with a hammer, and the other is a watermelon"
This response is delayed, and you will probably never come back to see it, but...
ReplyDeleteFence - I don't know how to say this, but I really don't get it. I mean I get it... but I dunno. Though I certainly smiled at your enthusiasm.
Chris - I was on the floor! That's pretty much the best, and I've told it to everyone I know this weekend.
Anon - That's cute. Maybe not cute... but I like it. I won't be telling everyone I've ever met because you have to be careful with dead baby jokes, but I have friends who hate children, and I can't wait to bust it out for them.