Template: "I like your _______." Easy!

I'm just gonna come out and be honest about it. I've had a fair number of admirers in my life.

By no means do I think I'm some drop-dead gorgeous hot commodity or anything, but every now and then, there's a guy who digs me. Hooray, right? Most of them are about 1,000, but it's still good for the ol' ego to hear now and then that people appreciate me.

For a long time, I wasn't able to take a compliment from anyone. Tell me you like my eyes, and I'd look away. Admire my hair, and my hand went up there to fix it. It's a messy combination of shyness and lack of self-confidence that we won't get into because I'm over it. Or if I'm not over it, at least I've learned to be gracious about it.

But one thing people constantly say to me with the best intentions always makes me totally uncomfortable. There isn't one graceful response, I don't find it the least bit flattering, and it makes me instantly dismiss any prospect of dating a guy who says it.

It has many variations, but the gist of it is: "Wow, you're so smart/fun/sexy/faaaabulous/neat WHY DON'T YOU HAVE A BOYFRIEND?"

I know. They're being nice and saying I deserve a wonderful guy. But it sounds like they're trying to figure out what's secretly wrong with me. And what they're REALLY making me think--rather than "Oh, that's so sweet"--is the answer to that question, which is "I have no idea, why don't you ask all the guys that reject me?" or "Well, I've had a couple, but my gross emotional problems preclude the sustainment of anything lasting."

I used to respond with something awkward to try and communicate how their question wasn't really flattering at all like "Because I am afraid to love" or "I am shy and lack self-confidence, so I am unable to accept when people like me and eventually drive them away with my depression and social anxiety," but then people started thinking they'd be my Saving Grace Fucking Messiah Of My Heart, so I had to stop that.

I mean, hell, even agreeing with the question makes me sound like a self-righteous asshole. "Oh, I dunno, I mean you're right, I am after all practically perfect in every way; it's a wonder people are too thick to figure out that I'm the man for them." The only proper answers are "Thank you" and "I don't know" but they're both lies because I'm NOT grateful and I DO know. It drives me nuts.

So, yeah, I'm enough of an asshole that I just wrote an entire blog entry complaining of how people compliment me. But please, you can't tell me I'm wrong. That's an awkward thing to say! So never say it to me, ok? Just pick a feature and tell me you like it. Don't try to delve into my torrid relationship history and drudge up memories of failed romance. It's not the way to get me going.