The other day some guy was telling me how his earliest memory as a baby was of his father holding his head under the sink because as a baby he was stupid (as babies are) and pour rubbing alcohol into his eyes. I imagine his father was also somewhat stupid for facilitating this activity by putting a bottle of rubbing alcohol in his toy box or whatever, but I don't judge. (Not ever.)
Anyway, I thought I'd share mine. Not my rubbing alcohol (I need that) but rather
My First Memory
My first memory is of when I was a stupid baby in my walker. For those of you who might not have been as retarded as I was as a child, a walker is this contraption that you put an infant in... the baby kinda sits in the middle, and his feet dangle and touch the ground. And the thing is on wheels, so the baby is both sitting and standing and also able to totter around and bump into things. I loved my walker, and I would go around in circles all over the house just happy as a clam.
You might think "Oh, sounds like that memory happened to early for you to remember it, you probably just made it up." But no. It took me forever to learn how to walk. My mom was kind of afraid there was something wrong with me. I'm sure if I could, I would have simply expressed to her that I simply did not have anywhere I felt like going. I mean hell, I got picked up and placed wherever I needed to go! Why would I trouble myself with walking? Even today, I envy people in wheelchairs just a little bit. (A little, I said, I know nobody really wants to be in one.) So I was in my walker until I was about 15 when I could get my learner's permit.
That's why I remember it so well.
How strong I was
how young and gay
A prince of love
In every way.
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