Junior is bad don't read it ok?

Yesterday I thought it might be a good idea to buy and read Macaulay Culkin's new book Junior. That was pretty much the stupidest idea I've ever had. It's basically a meaningless miscellany of all too self-conscious stream of consciousness ramblings intended to paint our hero (affectionately calling himself "Junior") as some sort of creative, emotive force of modern writing. He comes off more as a crappy emo rock band that opens for a crappier emo rock band at your local Starbucks.

Just because you're random doesn't mean your work has "layers of meaning."
Just because you start every stupid list with "Dad" doesn't mean your relationship with him is somehow worth writing a book about.

This book reminded me of the journal I had at the end of high school when I was deluded enough to think that someone would find it after I died and feel inspired to publish it. Every entry was so painfully oozing with the effort to sound profound and artistic that I'm embarassed to look back on it. Reading this book made me embarassed for Macaulay. I imagine he'll look back on it and cringe if he ever grows up.

Oops, I'm getting judgmental. Time to talk about something else.... like myself. (It's all about me, you know.) Transition!

About 25 pages into Mr. Culkin's chef-d'oeuvre and after realizing the striking similarities between his drecky prose and my drivelling journal of yore, I realized that I could probably write a book. I was at Starbucks. I thought about it, and my thoughts started forming into all these little ideas. I realized "Damn! I'm so awesome!" I'm so much wittier and cooler than everyone (especially Macaulay Culkin) and my e-mails about my life that I send to old friends from college are like the highlights of their days. Then I realized that it would have to be all about me. Then I realized that nobody cares about me. Then I realized that nobody cares about half the people who write books about themselves. Then I realized I didn't care about writing a book.

So that was the end of that. Looks like I'm not writing a book, sorry.... unless there is a sudden surge of interest from at least 1,000,000 potential readers and a publishing company. Ok, if I get 1,000,000 comments on this blog entry, I'll write a book. Go!