I got a call saying "Oh, so the blown-up copy of your driver's license that you went to all that trouble to make and fax to us as part of your apartment application was too dark. Now we want you to scan it and send it to us by e-mail. This will delay the application process, I hope for your sake we can keep holding the apartment for that long, CHUMP!"
What the hell? You have ALL of my information, jerkface! You see that I have a job lined up (which is a lie, my dad's boss is pretending to hire me and pay me lots of money to appease the apartment people) and all this money in my account and a guarantor who makes like a billion dollars (not really). But you're what? Afraid I'm too UGLY to live in New York City? Just how is my license picture SOOOOO important???
Oooh, maybe I'm a terrorist and that's why the picture being dark was a problem. If you can just make sure I'm white... because who's ever heard of a white terrorist, what a ridiculous idea!
I'll show you my license... TO KILL! I hate everybody, nobody better tell me that people are nice because I know they suck real hard!
The worst part, though, was when we offered the apartment complex to pay the entire year's rent right then. My dad was standing there with his checkbook because he's the nicest dad ever (better than your dad), and he said "I'll pay you up front for an entire year, ok, what exactly is this application for? Just give me the damn apartment!" Except he was nice. And yet no, they say they need to consider it. Fine! Bureacracy. Whatever. Now bureacracy wants to make sure I look good.
I'm just sorry I didn't smile.
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