Celebrity Hard-On for February 2007

I give you all permission to think I'm crazy when I tell you my newest celebrity hard-on. He is not taken from the traditional pool of hot famous men that everyone takes from. Also, he's kinda old, and like AnnaSophia Robb, you can't look at his imdb pictures because he looks stupid in all of them with his head shaved. Anyway, he is Billy Zane.

To the right is a picture of him when he was younger. He has good hair, and I can't figure out why he insists on shaving it all off like yucky Vin Diesel. But anyway, if you pretend he doesn't so that, he's really dreamy, mostly because his eyes make him look lazy and drugged-out. I'm not sure, but maybe that's what "bedroom eyes" means. Whatever, either way he's sexy. (Actually, he looks almost too drugged out in this picture here... ignore it.)

And when I say that he's my "newest" celebrity hard-on, I'm actually being somewhat misleading. He is the most recent, yes, but in reality, he's my oldest (oldest, not eldest) as well. See, I very specifically remember being 11 or 12 years old and discovering my dad's copy of Lake Consequence, which is a TV movie about Billy Zane and Joan Severance and all the sex they have in the water or something. I don't really remember, the only part that sticks in my mind is how Billy Zane was half naked the whole time. So it's kind of like I'm going back to my roots or something.

On top of being studly and everything, Billy Zee looks like he'd be real charismatic and charming like we'd have as much fun going out as we'd have staying in. I've found that all my celebrity crushes have been more about how I imagine their personality to be than just how they look, which is why I was never attracted to Colin Farrell. My conception of Zane's personality is primarily based on his appearance in the 7th season of Charmed, where he was all flamboyant and romantic, so I have no idea what he's really like and I don't care. Oh, and I just noticed he was in Titanic too, but I don't remember that movie at all because I hated it.

Yeah, so I love a character from Charmed. If you need me, I'll be getting my ass kicked in the upstairs boys bathroom.

Anyway, that's it. I thought it was important that I keep you up to speed on who I'm obsessed with since my blog is so personal and soul-searching. Now I'm going to go on Wikipedia and make sure Billy Zane doesn't have cancer or anything that would make me feel bad about dissing his bald head.