I am cool

OMG drunk post let's go HEY!

This is mostly a public service announcement. If your name is Gay Guy In New York, I'm going to advise that you never to go to a place called....ummm... Regal..... Rectum.... Rancid...... Rebel! It's called Rebel. Ok, don't ever go there because first they tell you it's $10 to get in, and you're like Fine, I have exactly $10 in my wallet and then they make you empty your pockets and they search you for drugs and bombs and finger your anus and it's totally invasive and the guy doing it isn't even cute and then they say Oh it's $15 so you have to ask the guy next to you to help you get in but it's ok because he invites you to his Oscar party and so you win but whatever still it's embarassing and then when you get in it totally sucks anyway and you're like "I wish they hadn't anal searched me because I'd really like to use that bomb I was carting around right about now" but you can't and then that guy with the really sexy long hair disappears into nowhere so there's nobody left to make eyes at and then all you want to do is get a beer but it's like $8 so fuck that and in conclusion gay people suck and the only reason there are lists at bars like this is because it makes stupid gay fag boys feel like they're important even though they can't even put a sentence together when you're like totally using words like miasma and paradigm and loquatious and versimilitude because you wish you were a famous writer even though you're not...

And oh my god, I wish you could have seen me tonight because I looked totally hot, like ok let's assume for the sake of argument that you thought I was hot and sexy and you were in love with me before, good, so you don't even know because I changed my hair and yesterday at work was a failed experiment but today it was so totally sexy and if you loved me before, you would probably shit yourself over how hot I looked tonight with my new hair even though it was kinda Happy New Year 1997 I don't care and I was wearing this cute shirt I bought in January with my sexy jeans and all these people were all "I may be 50 but let's totally do it" and I was like "As if" but then people were like "I may be 26 and hot let's totally do it" and I was like "Thanks, but no thanks" so tonight I ruled and you drooled, sorry that's just the way it is.

To conclude I've been drinking for 10 hours and I'm going to an Oscar party with some kid I took money from who I think might be Jewish but it doesn't matter I will probably forget he existed tomorrow my night was funner than yours k thx bie!