New Year's Resolutions 2010

• I promise to blog every now and then, srsly.
• I promise to weigh 170 librae by March 15th using nothing but the power of my mind and my friend's Wii Fit.
• I promise not to burn down the crappy new office in the crappy part of town they're making us move to in 2 weeks.
• I promise to listen to more Depeche Mode. I dunno why.
• I promise to enact my awesome party idea even though nobody will come.
• I promise to keep the same hairstyle and color for the entire year, probably.
• I promise to stop being attracted to Disney channel teen stars and being sad when there is only one picture of the guy from Wizards of Waverly Place in an issue of Tiger Beat magazine.
• I promise to like Lady Gaga more than Hannah Montana.
• I promise to cook more because I'm damn good at it!
• I promise to stop being offended when people think my stuffed pillbug, Klappar Skalbagge, is creepy.
• I promise to stop eating sour cream straight from the container.
• I promise to do my origami page-a-day calendar every day so that by this time next year there will be 365 shitty folded disasters strewn about my workspace.
• I promise to embody Bree van de Kamp in everything I do. (I'm going to need the basket back.)
• Finally, I promise that this year will be a lot less lame and unfruitful than 2009.

*PLEASE READ* Christmas/Hannukkah List 2009 *PLEASE READ*

• a pony
• some peppermint bark
• a tray of cranberry bliss bars
• help hiring painters
• video games
• a black Disney princess that is actually black like Raven-Symoné and not some European-featured girl (because apparently there's only one type of pretty) with "darker" skin running with her toothless sidekick from a stereotyped voodoo dood into the arms of a Magical Negro who will hook her up with a white guy to save the day
• world peace

Don't forget the pony.

Cherry Cherry Boom Boom

In shallower and therefore more relevant news, you all need to go to Amazon.com and download Lady Gaga's unbelievably shitty holiday song Christmas Tree. It says it was released on March 10th, but I dunno why anyone would release a song like this at that time unless they hoped it would be picked up for Empire's Christmas in July Sale.

Anyway there's absolutely nothing good about it, but this and Bad Romance are all I've been listening to.

Embarrassing Sentimental Nonsense DO NOT READ

I had one of those weird dreams last night that makes you reimagine your life, y'know those? They're so annoying.

Basically I was at a sort of gala that looked like the Oscars or Tonys, right, and I was with this sort of friend who I see at parties and stuff. We went out a few times in the early part of this year. But right, in the dream we were totally in love in a major way... like total vile disgusting mushy dulcet choir of little birdies love. It was so intense that the people at the gala called us up on stage to honor our affection. We were standing there and drinking champagne off to the side while some performance was going on, but the whole audience was captivated by our electricity and charisma as we gazed at each other lovingly. You'd vomit I'm not even kidding, it doesn't matter who you are you'd just hork all over the place if you saw it.

Anyway the point of the dream was not the person, it was the feeling. And it wouldn't mean anything if it were just this one time, but I have dreams like this AT LEAST TWICE A WEEK! On top of that, it's corresponding with all these other things in my head like a recurring daydream about decorating an apartment with someone and a disturbing drive a friend warned me about around my birthday: he said that 27 is the age he started.... I can barely even say it.... WANTING BABIES! Yeah, dudes, I actually see maybe the slight possibility of a baby-like shape on the WAY-WAY-DISTANT-SO-DON'T-EVEN-START-WITH-ME horizon. I was browsing for a Hannukkah gift to myself the other day and I actually thought "Do I want these $500 shoes or would I rather use the money for 10 minutes of private school?"

What am I becoming!?!?!?!?!?

Ok just kidding, it's not all that bad and not nearly so intense as I let on for the sake of keeping this shitty blog interesting. I am, however, dealing with a lot of new feelings because I'm coming out of an almost year-long funk and am feeling really good about every aspect of my life except not being a billionaire. There are three different things that have converged remarkably: 1) a renewal of hope that life will be big and wonderful, 2) an optimism that it can actually happen (this differs from #1, trust me), and 3) things in my life going kinda right. They all feed each other and make me kinda shiny happy, which is dangerous and scary and will probably grind to a halt and lead to my ultimate demise. So I hate it a little. But what can I do, I just feel good.

Anyway I'm not a sentimental person, so in conclusion, I'm drowning in my own barf.