S my McT

I got a message in my inbox from YVY Magazine this morning. The message said:

Hey guys,

Paul Reitz just send [sic] us these HOT images of  Seth McTigue. If you like them feel free to post it.. More info and images at:

http://www.yvymag.com/2010/02/paul-reitz-seth-mctigue/

Best,
Marcello
www.yvymag.com

Attached were the following hot images:

I dunno who Seth McTigue is. And I dunno what YVY Magazine is. But I just want you to know I had a pretty damn good morning.

There's a Boy Who Works at Starbucks...

1. There's a boy who works at Starbucks with shaggy hair and a sexy smile.
2. There's a boy who works at Starbucks who laughs kinda like a doofus.
3. There's a boy who works at Starbucks who smells just like a sexy boy should.
4. There's a boy who works at Starbucks who's kinda oddly-shaped.
5. There's a boy who works at Starbucks who always asks me how I am.
6. There's a boy who works at Starbucks who remembers my name and what book I was reading a month ago.
7. There's a boy who works at Starbucks whose name I don't know.
8. There's a boy who works at Starbucks whose name I forgot.
9. There's a boy who works at Starbucks who always catches me looking.
10. There's a boy who works at Starbucks who I always catch looking.
11. There's a boy who works at Starbucks whose body I want.
12. There's a boy who works at Starbucks whose body I could never have.
13. There's a boy who works at Starbucks who is very inspirational.
14. There's a boy who works at Starbucks who makes me feel better about myself.
15. There's a boy who works at Starbucks who I secretly like.
16. There's a boy who works at Starbucks who secretly likes me.
17. There's a boy who works at Starbucks, and it'll never happen.
18. There's a boy who works at Starbucks, and there's no way in hell.

**********************************************************************

There are two boys who work at Starbucks: Evens and Odds.

Why Boys Are Hotter in Summer

• Less clothing and darker skin, obvs.
• Everyone's fatter in winter especially me
• T-shirt chest sweat
• Exposed calves with stupid tattoos on them
• Hanging out topless with their t-shirt shoved in their back pocket
• When sometimes there's a guy who has been working out probably less than a year and he's still fascinated with his developing muscles so he discreetly fondles his pectoral but pretends he's just scratching but you can tell he's not
• Arms
• Leaps for the frisbee and you can see their tummy for a sec
• Sunglasses on the head make straight boys look 5% gayer
• Everbody looks like they've just had sex, are about to have sex, or are currently having sex
• They touch each other more for some reason I think maybe
• And lastly THEY'RE EVERYWHERE OMG AAAAAAHHHHHHHHH!!!!

Passions is on!?!?

Does anyone think I'm weird for being attracted to guys like Jim Brickman?

Because it's not just "Oh, he's a handsome man." I actually see a picture like this, and it makes me want to cuddle up with some hot cocoa next to the fire in our cabin while he plays easy listening Christmas tunes on our grand piano wearing a holiday sweater and gazing at me with the firelight in his eyes. And then we'll snuggle on the bear skin rug and read Great Expectations as the snowflakes silently drift by the window and the forest around us quietly slumbers.

I've never thought of myself as the woolen sweater man type, and I'm sure it would get old the next day when I was asked to fucking chop wood or something, but maybe that's what I need right now... a snowy weekend upstate with someone masculine, sensitive, cliche, and... tacky. I wish Indiana Jones were real and available... and gay... and still 35.

Speaking of romance and love I'll never have, I was disappointed this morning when I went for coffee and Sexy Latte Boy wasn't there, but after lunch I passed by again and he WAS so even though I didn't want anything, I got in line. He was working the register this time, so instead of getting a drink he'd have to defer to the barrista, I got tea, which he would have to make himself. But I was SUPER SAD to realize that I was 100% totes mistaken yesterday because the dude is 99% straight, I'm so sure. He just has this boyish way about him with the smiling and the ease with himself, and he tends to be friendlier with people who look like they might be the slightest bit interesting (i.e. not the Greybar businessman type that forms 90% of his clientele.) So there goes that eternal happiness, but I'm still going to go there and enjoy some quality crush time.

Right so following that disappointment, I'm leaving Grand Central and I hold the door for the guy behind me, though I can't do it well because I have hot tea in my hand, which he takes as an excuse to start up a conversation with me, during which he complimented my outfit, asked if I model, wondered why I DIDN'T model, and then told me I could model for him and "maybe more" and that he'd pay me. Lovely. So I don't get Jim Brickman or the Sexy Latte Boy, but I can have the 65-year-old man who thinks I'm a HOOKER!

Then he walked WITH me down the street and I found out he's Jimmy, he lives in a co-op on 44th St., he likes tall thin boys, he can guess my exact height in one try like a side show act, and ummm... right, he reminded me that I'm good-looking and just his type and I'm thinking jesus christ has my complete unwillingness to go home with you not clued you in to the fact that YOU'RE not MY type no matter how many new pairs of shoes I wish I had right now?

Eventually he pieced together that I have a boyfriend (not true, but I let him believe it) because "You're tall and good-looking. You've got it all."

Yeah, dude. I've got it all. Because I'm attractive. I don't know if I'm flattered by that or aghast as his serious lack of insight about what being attractive really gets you. And what it doesn't.

He can lip my nicki... or something

Oh right in case you didn't know something weird happened and Jonathan Lipnicki from that movie I never bothered to see is now hot. In like a 15-year-old kinda way and preferably without the stupid hat, but he's hot nevertheless.

He's not like exceptionally hot but hot in a real-life kinda way and I like the fuzziness and stuff so you can all be as mean to me as you want but I'm not changing my mind.

Ok, I gotta go save the rest of the pictures to my desktop see ya!

Celebrity Hard-On: May 2008

Last night I watched a shitty movie called Zerophilia in which this not-quite-cute-enough guy who's a douchebag has this genetic disorder where he turns into a girl when he has sex. And then he turns into a boy if he has sex again. It's a cute idea made shitty by being realized as a cheap romantic comedy that's neither romantic nor comical. My favorite part was sexy Kyle Schmid, this month's Celebrity Hard-On, whose illustrious acting credits include that Blood Ties show about vampires and an episode of Degrassi.

Here he is looking hot:

Here he is making me jealous of his hair:

Anyway, he's pretty much beautiful and has the most perfect body, so today I went to the gym so I can be just like him. It didn't really work, but I feel good about it anyway. Maybe by the end of the week I'll have an acting career too. I hope to be in an episode of Blood Ties as well, followed by a brief 4 or 5 episode run in Gossip Girl before moving on to Cinemax softcore porn. When I hit my thirties, I will be appearing in Lifetime Original Movies alongside Amy Jo Johnson, whom I will force to sign all my Power Rangers paraphernalia.

Ok that's all that's new with me lately except that also I kick ass at Mario Kart Wii.

New Game!

It occurs to me that my last entry was a little weird, a little depressing, and not the slightest bit funny. All in all, zero stars and totally not the way I wanna make my comeback.

SO, I'm going to tell you about a new game I just made up. It's called "Smell the Intern" and how you play is you go smell the new British intern over there and then swoon and die over how hot he is.

I played two times today because I keep finding excuses to walk by him.

His name is John, and he is the second in a series of Hot Foreign Interns with Weird Hair, but where the last intern had weird bad hair, the one has weird good hair that I want to touch. The last one was Dutch. This one is British.

The only problem with this intern is that he doesn't know he's in love with me. He's nicer to Liz than to me even though she's a married woman and I'm his destiny. It's weird, but I'm sure if I keep playing my game he'll come around.