2009 will be my year. For me. Mine.

Mother heifer, the year is over and I have once again failed to achieve any of my goals. Money? Uncheck. Love? Uncheck. Pony? This close!

I did get a lot of D this year, which none of you want to know about, and I furthermore spent a lot of money on books and clothes, both of which are arranged by color in my pauper's apartment. Paupartment, if you will. Will you?

My last goal of the year was to write a 2008 Year in Review, but there's really nothing to review.

Favorite album of the year: Something from the '90's.
Favorite TV show of the year: Something from the '90's.
Favorite movie of the year: Mean Girls again.

No, not even Batman.

What's to reflect on? Same little apartment, same bonehead job, same sense that I'm too weird to hold a lover. It's not a mindset that makes looking back a gay romp. I'm not normally one for that sort of depressive introspection, but for some reason this season is filled with my first-ever feeling of New Year's Guilt and Regret.

SO! In honor of the occasion, I hereby declare myself "Approaching 30." Ooooooooooh! Clock's ticking, dude!

I don't know what I want besides a change, and I have a good feeling I'll get one. I'm looking to move in April, which is a start, so hopefully having an actual bedroom will make me feel like I've made something of my life. Maybe I'll spring for one with a bathtub and some counter space.

Stupid rut. I diagnose myself brunches, dates, professional conferences, dinner parties, and maybe an orgy. There's really nothing to be done except getting off my ass and back into the world. And perhaps an internal change is in order as well... like not hating people by default. Yeah, I'll start with that.

2009 is going to be a good year. I can tell. Not even this depressing Emiliana Torrini song on my iPod can make me think otherwise even though she just called me a bleeder. So here's to a happy, healthy, peaceful, progressive, and enlightening year for you and your loves ones! And especially for me.

Hipappy Boxing Day

Hi, so basically Christmas came and went. I abandoned my lonely day of movies and China in favor of one movie (Doubt, it was pretty good) and attending the Orphan Christmas Party of a couple super nice guys I only met once, though we have friends in common. It was awesome, I ate tofurkey and they even had a stocking for me with a Lego orc inside and the Across the Universe DVD, which I kept hoping someone would buy for me because I probably never would myself because of the extreme REJECTION I got after seeing that movie in the theater. Just kidding, I didn't actually mind it. Anyway, hopefully I didn't make a dick of myself so they will be my new friends HI GUYS AND WELCOME TO MY SHITTY BLOG!

But the holiday festivities have not come to an end because no holiday is complete without some needless stress. Mine is in the form of losing everything I value on my computer. See, I bought this external hard drive by LaCie earlier this week for the purpose of putting everything on it and reformatting my computer. So I did that. But now the thing is giving me crap. In the middle of reading and writing, it starts clicking and then unmounts itself from my computer for no reason.

The problem is, I still haven't put everything back on my newly-erased computer AND the fact that I was hoping this thing would work to house my music library rather than my PC. So basically everything's stranded on it, and the LaCie website is all stick-in-the-ass and saying how they aren't responsible and if I send it to get fixed/replaced, they won't bother to give me my data back. Thanks, LaCie, it's good to make customer service a priority.

But I brought it to work with me (yeah, I'm at work now when the rest of professional America is home with their leftover ham) and it seems to be pretty stable on my work computer for some reason, so backed up my life here (don't tell). Anyway, I'm mad, and I'm not the only person to have this problem.

I dunno, hopefully I was just overworking it this morning. There's a chance it was just getting mad at having to play AND import music at the same time.

Isn't knowing every detail of my computer problems SO interesting?

Ok I'm gonna go eat my croissant and call my mom to see if she landed yet because my parents are visiting today.

Oh and my computer's fixed so Photoshop works again so I will hopefully use my camera again after like infinity months of leaving it in the corner.

Best Hannukkah Ever

It has now been two weeks, and my Jonathan Taylor Thomas poster has still not arrived. But fear not! I have something even better! I got the bestest Hannukkah gift ever last week from my friend Eric! Are you ready?

The XENA:WARRIOR PRINCESS ALA READ POSTER!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! omg

Ever since my coworker gave me the Xena bookmarks from the American Library Association's Celebrity Read campaign (she found them in an old pile of stuff that had been around for years) I've wanted the matching poster to grace my wall, but it was impossible to find! They only have the new ones with like Twilight and Ice Cube and William H. Macy (like yeah, I'm a delinquent teenager and I'll start reading because I wanna be JUST LIKE WILLIAM H. MACY!)

Anyway, I got an Andrew Shue one on eBay, but nothing compares to my Xena poster. I was SO HAPPY, and I made him tell me how he got it. He actually CALLED ALA and the girl he talked to said they had just done inventory and found some old Xena posters and that she'd send him one if he sent her a check. So yeah. Awesome, right!?! It says "Vanquish ignorance. READ."

Now I just need the Buffy poster ("Slay ignorance. READ.") and I just read on a Xena gossip site that there may have been a Gabrielle poster, so I want that too. "Hit ignorance with your stick thing. READ."

I think I've now officially talked about Xena in this blog more than any other one thing. OH and speaking of awesome gifts, Kev got me this little set of stuff to trick out my DS with Super Princess Peach! It had stickers and a cleaning cloth and a retractable pen stylus all in pink so now my DS is glamorous.

P.S. I didn't blog at all last week because I had this miserable cold that made being creative nigh impossible, not that my blog is very creative, especially right now. Anyway, my plan for this week is to finally reformat my home computer so I can get photoshop working so I can get the photos off my camera to I can take a picture of my awesome Xena READ poster for all to see.

Random Acts

I don't know if I'm a good person. I do good things, I know that. Somehow I've managed to cultivate an evolved sense of politeness in which I take pride. I hold doors for people, I pick up things other people drop, I'm hyperaware of the comfort of those around me and try extra hard not to inconvenience or annoy anybody, and I do all these things instinctually.

The trouble is, when I'm doing these things, I'm not always pure of heart. If you were in my head as I was holding the door for someone who doesn't thank me, you'd likely hear me think "Yeah, you're welcome, dicklick." If they didn't lunge fast enough to take it from me, it'd be something like "Step it up, you fat bitch," while my face betrayed none of that inner poison. Sometimes a stink eye will find its way out for someone remarkably ungratious, but for the most part, all I seem is patient and kind.

Yet there's no question about performing the virtuous act. One never goes through a door without looking behind to see if someone is following. One never takes a seat on the subway until everyone else who wants one has taken one. One always stays to the side when one walks and remains aware of people who may be coming up behind and want to pass. That's just the way.

This morning, while waiting for a light to change, I was tasked with the quintessential example of modern chivalric obeisance: an old lady asked for help crossing the street.

My first thought was not "Yes, I'll help you." That's a given. I'd offered her my arm before even processing her request. This left my mind available to start thinking hateful things about this nice old lady. It began with a realization: "Wait," I thought. "What the fuck am I doing here? You don't need help crossing the street! You just walked TO the street! How is walking across it any different!?"

So there we went, hobbling across the street while she pushed one of those cart things filled with crap old people use to go grocery shopping. She couldn't get it over any of the cracks in the road, and I didn't like her struggling, so like the gentleman I am, I asked if I could push it for her. She replied that she needed it for balance as her left knee does not bend. "Fine," I thought. "Now all I have to do is yank it from under you and I can make my escape."

Eventually the light turned while we were still in the middle of the street. "I'm glad you're here. These cars wouldn't wait if you weren't," she said. I smiled and replied, "Yeah, I'm pretty noticable." What I was thinking, however, is "What!? Are you being sarcastic!? People can see you fine! The only reason people would run you over is because you're in their damn way, and by the way, I totally appreciate being dragged into that crossfire." I got to make a nasty face while thinking this, thank God, because I had to shoot the stink eye at a guy glaring at us from his car. My eye said "Screw you, plug!" but my brain said "Yeah. I know what you mean."

Finally, after walking for 40 days and 40 nights, we arrived at the opposite curb. She thanked me graciously, saying "You're a very nice young man!", and she even apologized for holding me up. I said "Don't mention it! It's a lovely morning, and I'm in no hurry. You have great day now," though I'm not sure she caught that last part because I spun on my heel and high-tailed it out of there like PWING! And I thought: "Wow, what a nice lady! I feel like I did a good thing today. But GOD, I don't know how those fucking old people get ANYTHING done!"

Does anyone else hate December now because of that song from the animated feature Anastacia?

Hey, America, I forgot to say thanks last week.

Here's a picture of Jonathan Taylor Thomas that will soon be gracing the wall above my bed.

I can't wait for the next time I bring a guy home (projected date: Never-ember, 2025) and he can be all ready to lay with me ("lay with me", what is this, the bible?) and then he'll see ol' JTT and my Andrew Shue READ poster and either make an excuse to leave or get turned on, and then I will know I am in love.

Oh and P.S. I had two Thanksgiving dinners and a whole bunch of other food this weekend, obviously. I also did nothing but sit around, watch movies, and sleep for 12 hours in a row a couple times.

Estimated caloric intake: Infinity calories.
Estimated calories burned: 1 calorie.
Total weight gain: -3 pounds.

Yes, I am the only person in the world (United States) who lost three pounds after a gluttonous, slothful Thanksgiving weekend. Kudos, me.

Being thrust into an environment of constant, inescapable social interaction as I was this weekend is totally exhausting. I had a fabulous time, and I loved everyone I was with, but it's just too much for my feeble, introverted soul to manage. There's even a difference between sitting and watching Young Guns II with a group of people not saying anything and sitting and watching Xena alone with a hungry cat. So last night was a night of totally welcome decompression. I relaxed so hard... well, except during Gabrielle's emotional turmoil episode. That was taxing.

More weekend statistics:

Animals killed for my gratification: 2 turkeys, approx. 3 pigs, 2 chickens, 1 cow, and whatever the hell gives its life to make Jimmy Dean sausage
Shitty movies watched: 5 billion
Good movies watched: Like 2
Totally Awesome movies watched: 1. Bolt. Yes.
Hours on a bus: 13
Hours I wanted to kill myself on a bus: 12
Posters of Jonathan Taylor Thomas purchased: Only 1 so far.