WTF is with these stupid poems, dude?

Since I'm totally blowing my blogging wad with all these poems, I thought I'd explain a little. Basically yesterday I told Alex to give me a project, and he told me to write the Jean-Claude van Damme poem. Ever since then, I've been demanding more. They seem to be getting harder.

I'd never heard of a Petrarchan sonnet or a pantoum, but now I like them. My pantoum came out in iambic pentameter sort of unintentionally. So that was cool.

Anyway there will probably be more so I hope you're not in hate with them or jealous of my creative genius ok bye.

Alex said: "Write a pantoum of N----."

Just so you know, N---- is Alex's coworker who is a mess and can't do anything for herself and is basically one of those irresponsible, pathetic, complaining, inept, and stupid people who spend their work day dealing with personal problems no normal person would have, leaving early, and dumping all their work on their coworkers, who in this case are Alex. Oh and she's French.

N---- Pantoum

Another day of tragedy surrounding,
The Franco Mistress wails her piteous wail.
Lost, forlorn, bereft of all who loved her.
A plague unto her cohorts; she infects.

The Franco Mistress wails her piteous wail:
"Ooh la la, baby, I need your help."
A plague unto her cohorts; she infects
With scorn and malice towards this hapless mess.

"Ooh la la, baby, I need your help."
The witless plea that that brings to one's attention,
With scorn and malice towards this hapless mess,
The shame and failure others keep inside them.

The witless plea that brings to one's attention
How sweet t'would be if only she were silent.
The shame and failure others keep inside them
Instead to those around her she bestows.

How sweet t'would be if only she were silent!
Lost, forlorn, bereft of all who loved her,
Instead to those around her she bestows
Another day of tragedy surrounding.

Alex said: "Ok. A sonnet (petrarchan please) on Mr. Rupert Giles. jenny calendar optional."

Puncture

A man of words fell victim to the fates.
A battlefield of horrors rank and fell.
This global war they fight with sword and spell,
And he with knowledge of what hell creates.
Through all of this he fears he mirrors the traits
And memories of terror that befell.
A single light redeems him from this hell.
He gazes wistfully; above she waits.
But woe, an impure beast has her embraced.
Opened her throat, devoured what he found.
Her heart was drained, her body left defaced,
Their young affection by his darkness crowned.
So she was entered, yet their love erased,
Consummated and at once unbound.

Alex said: "Write a series of three haiku about laundry."

I used his fav'rite.
Never sure if he loves me
Or spring fresh scent.

A hole in my soul
From a hole in my wardrobe.
Where is my left sock?

The cycle of life:
Infinite revolutions
On 'tumble dry low'.

Alex said: "Write me a poem about Jean-Claude van Damme."

Jean-Claude, Jean-Claude,
Your waist is thin, your chest is broad.
When you kick ass we all applaud.
Jean-Claude, Jean-Claude.

Van Damme, Van Damme.
Where were you during Viet Nam?
Stronger than a battering ram.
Van Damme, Van Damme.

Jean-Claude, you fraud.
Your awesomeness forever flawed.
As my heart melts, yours can't be thawed.
Jean-Claude, you fraud.

Van Damme, ladies man.
You treat me like an also-ran.
Threw my love in the garbage can.
Van Damme, ladies man.
I'll save my heart for Jackie Chan.

S my McT

I got a message in my inbox from YVY Magazine this morning. The message said:

Hey guys,

Paul Reitz just send [sic] us these HOT images of  Seth McTigue. If you like them feel free to post it.. More info and images at:

http://www.yvymag.com/2010/02/paul-reitz-seth-mctigue/

Best,
Marcello
www.yvymag.com

Attached were the following hot images:

I dunno who Seth McTigue is. And I dunno what YVY Magazine is. But I just want you to know I had a pretty damn good morning.