Some Fine Products

So I was back at the homestead (Chicago) last week at a conference (hence the radio silence). The week, apart from being exhausting, enlightening, fattening, lovely, etc., also involved a lot of cuddling up in the hotel room watching quality daytime television.

Highlights included Tyra, Ellen, Springer, Judge Judy, and some American Idol retrospective. It took me back.

Whatever who cares the point is Chicago has some of the most repetitive, awful, boring local commercials during daytime talkshows. It's all "Get your degree online" this and "Good credit, bad credit, or no credit at all" that clearly appealing to the demographic of jobless losers who sit at home all day and expect the world to give them something for nothing.

Some of them tickled my nostalgia funny, though, like Attorney Peter Francis Geraci and his bankruptcy info tapes. I swear, that man has been trying to get me out of debt with the same constipated schtick since I was 10 years old, but he's obviously doing something right because he hasn't aged a day! You go, Peter Francis Geraci!

Anyway, this sort of got us on the topic of awesome local commercials from across the country. By "we", I mean me and my cuddle-up-and-watch-shitty-teevee buddy James. (Those were some good times.)

Anyway, he deserves most of the credit for the following selections.

Oh, and if you're only going to watch/listen to one of these, scroll down and make it the last one, the one that's only audio. I swear to God.

FREE CHICKEN BOX!

I apologize in advance for the next one. You'll be singing this hit song to all your friends for days!

P.S. AWESOME SUIT WHO'S YOUR TAILOR!?!

Yeah, he's white you racist.

These next two are from Chicago THANK YOU!

How in the hell can he store that stuff for such a cheap price?!

Oscillated!

OMG and last, you need to hear this a million times. It's a radio spot for La France Drugs. No video... no problem. It is top qualiky!

I listen to that over and over again.

OVER AND OVER!

Luggice.

None For Meme, Thanks

There's this meme going around Facebook where you make a fake album cover for your fake band, and it's all based on random stuff. Here are the instructions:

1 - Go to http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Special:Random. The title of the first random wikipedia article you get is the name of your band.
2 - Go to http://www.quotationspage.com/random.php3. The last 4 or 5 words from the last quote of the page is the title of your first album.
3 - Go to http://www.flickr.com/explore/interesting/7days. The third photo is your album cover.
4 - Using photoshop or a similar design program, put it all together.
5 - Post it here with this text and TAG the friends you want to join in.

There's some variation, but this is the basic idea.

But there's no effing way I'm doing this. I opened up the first two pages in tabs, and the band name and title I got were (AND I SHIT YOU NOT):

Band name: Anus Language
Album: Powerful Muscles, But No Personality

The reason I am not Photoshopping this is because it gives a whole new meaning to this picture.

Song of the Moment

I'd like to introduce you to "The Thrill of Thirty Seconds" by Skint & Demoralised. If you think the guy's cute, wait until you hear his accent.

This is my favorite song right now. When I have a favorite song, I listen to it endlessly until I'm absolutely sick of it, but there's no sign of that happening yet.

I like it right now because a) it's happy and all my favorite songs are happy songs, but also because b) it expresses that exciting sweetness of new infatuation, which as you all know is the best, worst, and most irrational part of any good relationship. Until you get to the next part, that is.

People try and temper themselves, being afraid to get too excited about something that hasn't developed yet, but I don't like that. I think it's one of life's great indulgences.

Hats Off To SOB!

Remember my salon? Remember how it's awesome and I love my stylist? Well they dropped the freaking ball last weekend and it isn't until now that I've decided I'm seriously mad about it.

Remember how I'm vain and shallow? Remember how my beauty comes from a bottle? Yeah, well Ink for Hair decided without consulting me that they were going to discontinue using their Paul Mitchell "the color" coloring products and only retain their shitty other brand. So FINE whatever, my stylist was up front with me and said "This brand's warm colors suck, so we'll see what we have to work with." (Perfect. Sucky warm colors when I want my hair to be hot hot hot!)

Sure enough the equivalent color on Shitty Other Brand's pallette was dull and totally lackluster. It was bereft of luster. Furthermore, the luster it lacked was made up for in lack of luster. Need I continue?

So my stylist, being fabulous, said she'd mix in this other color to give it some vibrancy and shine like I like. Wheeee great and in conclusion it didn't work and half an hour later my hair was the color MANISCHEWITZ!

I'm exaggerating, but I did hate it. It was super dark and actually the color red, which I dunno if you've noticed, but red hair is not red, it's orange. I looked like a punk or at least like one of those Russian women in leopard-print lycra. My coworker said it looked "cranberry" in the flourescent light in the office.

Everyone was all "Oh, it'll fade and look fine" but it's not fading fast enough and also, I'm afraid it will fade to PINK!

And to top it all off, the shit destroyed my hair! I still can't get my fingers through it without hitting like infinity knots. The Paul Mitchell was awesome because my hair would feel smooth and normal again after like 3 washes. I've washed my hair 12 times since last Thursday, and it's STILL a nappy mess.

I'm so annoyed that I have to find a new salon and colorist, and it's such an inconvenience right now PLUS I'm going to a conference this week and was hoping to look like a professional and not a "professional."

In conclusion, I would say that Shitty Other Brand is not a good hair dye.

Tidbits

I have no large thing to say, but I have many little things to say.

1) I think people (or at least I) should start saying "Wotcher!" like some variety of British people do. I can't think of a cheerier greeting.

2) There's this creepy old guy who works here, and every time he comes into the bathroom, he flushes ALL the toilets before using one.

3) HOLY CRAP ok so this is like the fourth day in a row I've written like 4 lines of a blog post, forgotten about it for hours and then given up and deleted it. Well screw you I'm posting this unfinished piece of shit anyway and my stomach hurts to bad right now.

I gotta go.