Thanksgiving in September

• I am thankful for window-washing latte boys.
• I am thankful for Activia, obviously.
• Last night I let my friends talk me into going out on a Tuesday and didn't get home until 2 and then like an idiot instead of going to bed I watched an episode of Dexter for an hour and ate ALL THE FOOD so I am thankful I have the metabolism of a hummingbird.
• I'm also thankful for not being the slightest bit tired today, which is pretty weird.
• I am thankful 'weird' is an anagram of 'wired' because it gives the last sentence a little something extra.
• I'm thankful in advance for not crashing until after I accomplish what I need to this evening.
• And I'd be thankful if the Powers That Be would take that as a demand, not a prayer.

What are you thankful for today? Oh and I'm thankful for my friend The Architect adopting my cat because ever since she got fleas, her leprosy has been acting up and there are parts. And she ate all my Activia and can basically fly across the room through the force of her excretions? Just kidding, she's fine.

Activia Challenge Log: Days 2-3

Day 2

Strawberry. No noticeable change in "regularity." Discovered that cat goes crazy for Activia almost as much as for milk and ice cream. Marketing opportunity?

Day 3

Vanilla again. Like Hercules, vanilla is my "favorite flava". Feeling occasional "gurgliness". My organs are shifting, making ready for the ascension... Found some cropped grey hairs in the mirror and have been oddly attracted to old pictures of Christopher Guest. Things seem to be going as planned.

Activia Challenge: Day 1

Ok guys, I'm doing it. My life needs some serious changes. I feel like I'm stuck and need something to get things going in the right direction.

So I've decided to do something about it. I'm going to take the Activia Challenge! If you don't know what I'm talking about, watch this informational video:

I had to look up what digestive irregularity is, and I'm pretty sure I don't have it. I eat all the gross stuff they tell you to and even drink aloe vera juice (not gel) like in this video. (It turns into an ad around 3:20 so you can quit then.)

But it doesn't matter, I'm still challenging Activia to make my digestive system EVEN BETTER or my money back. Using science, I have determined that "normal" people who take the Activia Challenge will benefit from a regular digestive system, but people who already have good systems will manifest some sort of digestive superpower. I expect soon I will excrete butterscotch cookies.

So:

Activia Challenge Log: Day 1

Activia is delicious! I had vanilla today. I was disappointed when my intestines did not instantly start making noises as the War on Bacterial Terrorism began, but grand gestures are usually not that good in battle anyway. I would prefer to avoid a gastronomic Hiroshima.

Oh my God.

SLB Continued

Ok time for today's update on Sexy Latte Boy (Starbucks Edition). You're probably thinking WHOA stop blowing my mind with all the excitement, and you're probably thinking it sarcastically, but it turns out.... nothing. It turns out nothing. In case you are wondering, new readers, yes this is all I ever talk about.

Anyway this morning I didn't go in to get coffee because there was no need because Sexy Latte Boy was out on the street totally washing the windows. Normally I'd hate seeing someone I love doing work like that in broad daylight, but he looked really good. And he looked even better when this girl started playing with him on the other side. She was maybe 4 and was smiling and putting her hands all over the window and he was putting his hands all over his side and smearing all the soap around. She'd bounce joyfully, he'd grin playfully... it was the most adorable thing I'd ever seen.

Dad's are hot. Dad's without kids: hotter.

The downside is that this forbodes a phenomenon a friend described this weekend. He told me that 27 (the age I am turning on Monday) is around when people who don't want kids start instead to want kids. I denied it.

I didn't tell him at the time that I has lately been seeing them and thinking "Oh, that thing's cute" (so far only when they're not opening their mouths.) I also didn't tell him that I have three girl names that I like (Sabrina, Monica, and Justine) and am anxious to apply them and find out if the girls turn into the fictional characters I associate with them (Sabrina the teenage witch, Monica from Friends, and Justine from that Marquis de Sade book with the orgies).

It's all very wrong. Wrong wrong wrong!

The reason I'm against it is because I'm still in that stage in between KIDS BOO and KIDS YAY! So basically I still think they're annoying life-ruiners but I kinda don't care. And since my goal in life is to keep violently self-destructive behavior to a minimum, I'm considering this a Code Red conflict.

Anyway I gotta go. Nobody bring any children around me unless you are Sexy Latte Boy in which case we can talk it over.

Hubby Hubby

Let's hear it for Ben & Jerry's! Apart from making delicious ice cream named with some most excellent puns, they have now changed the name of their flavor Chubby Hubby to Hubby Hubby to celebrate Vermont's policy and promote marriage equality! (Press Release)

It's a nice gesture made better by the fact that Chubby Hubby is one of their most kickass flavors. Also Jerry went to Oberlin like me. Or was it Ben?

Anyway (C)hubby Hubby is a vanilla ice cream base with peanut butter-filled pretzel balls coated in chocolate. You will kindly refrain from any "chocolate salty balls" references in an ice cream now associated with man on man love. Instead, I ask you to look at the pretzel balls as metaphors for love: sweet on the surface with a layer of salty toughness, which, once overcome, leads to a gooey melange of composite happiness.

Either that or just think "Love makes you fat."

Latte Boy Rundown

Discerning readers will have noticed the full meaning of yesterday's annoying "Starbucks Boy" post. In case you are not discerning (don't worry, it happens to all guys) I was describing a torrid Starbucks love triangle that I made up.

I pretend this one boy there loves me. But I don't love him. And there's another boy who I do love, but he loves girls I'm sure. Pretty sure.

The first boy is super nice and friendly to me ALL THE TIME. Like one day I was in there reading and drinking coffee (obvs) and he came up to me and got all up in my business like what was I reading and "Not working today?" so I told him "The Three Musketeers" and "I got locked out of my apartment" and he asked my name and it was all very awkward because I had been wearing the same clothes and not showered in 3 days and just wanted to be left alone. And then yesterday he asked how the book was and it had been like 3 weeks. Sohe's nice, just... not... what's the word I'm seaching for.... the slightest bit attractive?

The other boy is symmetrical and scruffy and skinny and has unkempt slightly unwashed hair that sticks out from his cap at odd angles. His skin is nice and his eyes are bright and his smile is charming. In summary, he likes milk and it shows.

And he's got this deep voice and his eyes kinda twinkle when he looks at people like he's casting some sort of spell. He's got a quiet, comfortable confidence about him.

Anyway he is ALSO super nice but in a softer way and not so in-your-face friendly. He likes being around people, you can tell.

And he came into my life just in time because Sexy Latte Boy at Joe: The Art of Coffee has a) not been around and b) been letting himself go.

So there you are now updated on my obsession with coffee boys and know how important they are.