SLB Continued

Ok time for today's update on Sexy Latte Boy (Starbucks Edition). You're probably thinking WHOA stop blowing my mind with all the excitement, and you're probably thinking it sarcastically, but it turns out.... nothing. It turns out nothing. In case you are wondering, new readers, yes this is all I ever talk about.

Anyway this morning I didn't go in to get coffee because there was no need because Sexy Latte Boy was out on the street totally washing the windows. Normally I'd hate seeing someone I love doing work like that in broad daylight, but he looked really good. And he looked even better when this girl started playing with him on the other side. She was maybe 4 and was smiling and putting her hands all over the window and he was putting his hands all over his side and smearing all the soap around. She'd bounce joyfully, he'd grin playfully... it was the most adorable thing I'd ever seen.

Dad's are hot. Dad's without kids: hotter.

The downside is that this forbodes a phenomenon a friend described this weekend. He told me that 27 (the age I am turning on Monday) is around when people who don't want kids start instead to want kids. I denied it.

I didn't tell him at the time that I has lately been seeing them and thinking "Oh, that thing's cute" (so far only when they're not opening their mouths.) I also didn't tell him that I have three girl names that I like (Sabrina, Monica, and Justine) and am anxious to apply them and find out if the girls turn into the fictional characters I associate with them (Sabrina the teenage witch, Monica from Friends, and Justine from that Marquis de Sade book with the orgies).

It's all very wrong. Wrong wrong wrong!

The reason I'm against it is because I'm still in that stage in between KIDS BOO and KIDS YAY! So basically I still think they're annoying life-ruiners but I kinda don't care. And since my goal in life is to keep violently self-destructive behavior to a minimum, I'm considering this a Code Red conflict.

Anyway I gotta go. Nobody bring any children around me unless you are Sexy Latte Boy in which case we can talk it over.

Children!

Updates: I'm out of Luna Bars, they never get better, it's Take Your Spawn to Work Day, and I'm flying to Chicago tomorrow for reasons I can't tell the Internet about. Here's a hint: it rhymes with schmob splinterview. I'm starting to get smervous about it.

YELLOW!

But back to more pressing matters: My work is crawling with children today. It's rather gross. Luckily, the only on in my work area is also the only one that I like. He is my coworker's kid (obvs) and he is 4 and "drew" me a "picture" of some sort of giant-headed leopard "pokemon". He also colored me a picture of Disney's Pluto about to attack and viciously devour a grinning ostrich. It says "Ostriches can't fly, but they can run very fast." I added "BUT NOT FAST ENOUGH!"

I don't know what it is about kids that I don't get, but I don't get them. This one likes to tell me about all the animals he saw at the San Diego Zoo, but whenever I try to interject something, he doesn't give a shit! I talk about chipmunks and skunks and my kitty cat and all I get in return is "Oh. And I saw elephants and tigers and it went RAHR!" He gives a shit when OTHER people talk but never when I talk. However, I also think I'm his favorite. Favorite enough that he tried to hand me a dirty napkin. I went "Eew!" and I think he was hurt. WTF?

Despite the affection, however, I got a pencil thrown at me when his mom and I were doing our daily crossword and ignoring him, but you can't say to a 4-year-old "You little fucker! Unless you can tell me a 4-letter word that means 'ess-molding' we don't need you!" Or can you?

(The answer is ogee. It's a good one to remember.)

Anyway, I'm a failure at children. The 4-year-old also knows more animals and speaks more languages than me and will probably grow up to be a lot hotter too so I'm also a failure at life the end.

OMG he stole my good pen!

Twee Vaders

Best Dutch Children's Song Ever. The language has some pretty cool cognates.