Adventures of Mop Top Curlyface McTittykins

Went out last night and have the feeling I was really obnoxious all night, though I can't remember why. Does anyone remember me being obnoxious? If I was I blame my new hair.

WHAT I DIDN'T TELL YOU ABOUT MY NEW HAIR YET!?!?! That's so weird because I won't shut up about it on Facebook.

Don't look at me.

Top view.

So basically we pared down the sides and she took a curling iron to the top. And then she put a bunch of crap in her hands and ruined the curls. I love it.

The best part is she (Stylist She) said I can probably not shower for 4 or 5 days and still have good hair. So I'm trying that. Gas masks are available for your convenience. Here's Day 1:

The curls are destroyed because my hair is so vehemently disagreeable and can't listen to simple instruction. (Get punchy! Fruit drinky?) So now you know. Anyway I'm heading to New Hampshire with Ry Ry for a few days. Please don't miss me, I promise I will return and generate more narcissistic and utterly inane internet content for your perusal.

But it's not a trip unless I go out and buy a bunch of shit for no reason.

This curling iron is for after my No Shower Ever experiment. I'll post pics of all my scalp burns, don't worry.

All boys with hair should have this product. Body hair included.

I rented Alien. The guy at the video store I have a crush on told me it is slow but that I should watch all 4, so I am doing that. I'm pretty sure he's into dudettes, but he is so cute when he talks about movies that I'm thinking of Missed Connectioning him to see.

I bought this game and am going to go play it now until I have to get ready to go bye.

Hats Off To SOB!

Remember my salon? Remember how it's awesome and I love my stylist? Well they dropped the freaking ball last weekend and it isn't until now that I've decided I'm seriously mad about it.

Remember how I'm vain and shallow? Remember how my beauty comes from a bottle? Yeah, well Ink for Hair decided without consulting me that they were going to discontinue using their Paul Mitchell "the color" coloring products and only retain their shitty other brand. So FINE whatever, my stylist was up front with me and said "This brand's warm colors suck, so we'll see what we have to work with." (Perfect. Sucky warm colors when I want my hair to be hot hot hot!)

Sure enough the equivalent color on Shitty Other Brand's pallette was dull and totally lackluster. It was bereft of luster. Furthermore, the luster it lacked was made up for in lack of luster. Need I continue?

So my stylist, being fabulous, said she'd mix in this other color to give it some vibrancy and shine like I like. Wheeee great and in conclusion it didn't work and half an hour later my hair was the color MANISCHEWITZ!

I'm exaggerating, but I did hate it. It was super dark and actually the color red, which I dunno if you've noticed, but red hair is not red, it's orange. I looked like a punk or at least like one of those Russian women in leopard-print lycra. My coworker said it looked "cranberry" in the flourescent light in the office.

Everyone was all "Oh, it'll fade and look fine" but it's not fading fast enough and also, I'm afraid it will fade to PINK!

And to top it all off, the shit destroyed my hair! I still can't get my fingers through it without hitting like infinity knots. The Paul Mitchell was awesome because my hair would feel smooth and normal again after like 3 washes. I've washed my hair 12 times since last Thursday, and it's STILL a nappy mess.

I'm so annoyed that I have to find a new salon and colorist, and it's such an inconvenience right now PLUS I'm going to a conference this week and was hoping to look like a professional and not a "professional."

In conclusion, I would say that Shitty Other Brand is not a good hair dye.

She Ain't What She Used To Be

I went to the salon today. Got my hair trimmed.

For a few days I've been toying with the idea of ceasing to dye my hair. I haven't had it natural in a while. Well that went all to shit when Agnes told me I'm fucking GREYING!!!

Fabulous. Fucking fabulous. She said I have a lot more grey hair on the sides than I did last time I was in. I have some pretty significant roots, that's how she can tell.

Stupid asshole adoption agency couldn't let me know I'd be getting grey hair at 25!! ENOUGH GREY HAIR, IN FACT, THAT MY STYLIST COULD TELL THROUGH A DYE JOB!

Well sure enough I went home and looked and found them and was ready to die. So that's it for me. I might as well get fat and develop some sort of Delta Burke OCD packrat disorder. I have plenty of time to slip into senility now that I won't need to bother having sex or a social life for the next 25 years until everyone I know starts catching up to me in the aging process.

If you need me, I'm checking into the fogie home. I'll be sure to hold up a sign so you can tell me apart from all the other withering inmates because God knows there's no further way to tell us apart.

Bombs and Heroes

Awesome, we were all just evacuated because of a suspicious package at the 40th St. entrance. It was probably somebody's lunch or a Duane Reade bag that blew over to the door, but it was a lot of fun! There were fire trucks and police cars and new crews. And then in front of the library one of the lampposts fell on a guy, which was maybe less fun, but he'll be fine. There were more ambulances and fire trucks for that. The whole thing was crazy, and we got to sit outside, and it's gorgeous out today. Now it's almost time for lunch, so I'd consider this a pretty action-packed, productive morning.

Right, moving on my new superhero alter-ego is Awkward Hair Dude, saving the world with medium-length, impossible to manage hair! Too long for the old style, too short for a new one, I, Awkward Hair Dude, have what it takes to bring peace to America! Posing incognito as a mild-mannered, shaggy boy "just trying to grow his hair out", criminals never know what's coming when I bust out my secret weapons: "Ineffective Pomeade" and "Weird Flippy-Things That Won't Tuck Behind My Ears"! Enemies of justice, beware!

I'll post a picture as soon as I get my super suit from the dry cleaners.

Vanity Post!

So I finally found the cord that connects my camera to my computer! The only pictures on there were before and after photos from when I colored my hair and one of some funny Pocky and even though you saw my new hair when I was a famous model I don't care.

before

after

WHY IS EVERYTHING I OWN RUBBISH!?!