Amateurish HDR Foray

Ok last (I wanna say) September or October, my friend Mike and I went to some weird park on the Shore of Jersey to teach me this photographic technique called HDR(high dynamic range) and anyway blah blah I didn't get around to playing with the photos until yesterday because that's how I roll.

Anyway they turned out terrible and overdone but it was a fun exercise in playing with a new feature in Photoshop so ok suffer through them:

Blue.

I like the lens flare on the left in this one and I'm pretty sure that drippy thing in the sky is the return of Zuul.

Lens flare is the #4 cause of mistaken UFO sightings after delusion, craziness, and being from America.

Pretty sure this is the rapture.

I rather like this one. It's name I call "Turgid".

This one I will make into a postcard you can order on Etsy for $90.

So ok now you have seen them, happy?

I bought a new iPod today, so I celebrated at home and it looked like this:

Anyway I know I'm a walking cliche, but that's ACTUALLY ME and it took me about 2 hours to make this crappy imitation so you'd better appreciate it and leave me LOTS OF COMMENTS ABOUT HOW AWESOME I AM AT PHOTOSHOP AND ALSO ART AND IF YOU DON'T I WILL KNOCK DOWN YOUR HOUSE!

Ok I am drunk and I am going to bed now bye.

Click clack snip snap

Hooray, it's up! To the right is me, as presented by Bill Wadman, the super-cool, super-nice photographer I met with yesterday.

It's part of his 365 Portraits project, and you are all required to go to the site and leave him a comment praising his talent and my attractiveness because I don't want to be the only picture that doesn't get any attention.

Oh, right, I dyed my hair red, that's not been altered. If you want to comment specifically on that, do it here. I don't think he cares. Other features of this picture include my suntan (an upgrade from Casper to Rose McGowan), the way my new hair makes it look like I'm always wearing eyeliner, and the blue scaffolding screens the mayor hung special to bring out my eyes, which are actually blue-green so he has failed me.

Anyway, so check it out. I like a lot of his portraits because they're bright and contrasty and make my eyes dance, so look around the rest of the site. April 15th is my new secret lover. In April 26th, you will find a picture of my cat. February 21st is my favorite one of all. And March 12th is what I think of you.

Just Shoot Me

Today I sat for my first real live photo shoot because I am a glamorous movie star.

Not really. I dunno if you remember back a few months ago, but I mentioned about being a part of this guy's portrait project. I can't find the entry. Anyway, it got all postponed, but we finally did it today. I felt like such the celebrity, we were outside the library and he had a big silver thing that shined the sun in my face. I know people were watching me and totally jealous, I just know it.

At one point this one black guy came up and interrupted us as if he couldn't see the giant silver thing and the fact that I'm a VIP, it was weird. Anyway, I thought he was going to ask us to give money to the Democrats or hand us a copy of the Watchtower, but we sent him away and later as I was leaving and the photographer was gone, I passed him again and he wasn't selling anything and he made this dirty comment to me because I'm a sexy model. It was gross.

The photographer is a really nice guy and he was talking to me as he did the thing because I was uptight (because the psychologist stranger told me I'm not comfortable and don't know my self, remember?) and I liked him a lot. He was telling me how he's become friends with some of the other people he's shot for the project and I was like OMG HOW DO I GET HIM TO BE MY FRIEND IF HE'S NOT MY FRIEND I AM A SOCIAL FAILURE!!!! But it didn't work, we're not best friends even though I told him I like his hair. I don't have any friends, maybe I should learn to make more facial expressions.

Anyway he took about 80 billion pictures and one will be his favorite and the one he uses and he'll also e-mail me a bunch of the better ones and I will plaster them all over the internet for all to see, especially Myspace. I'll also link to the website tonight once I'm up on it.

He wants to maybe one day make it into a gallery showing or a book, so I'll be even famouser if that happens and maybe get invited to fabulous party, but for now it's back to being a humble librarian. But anyway, I'm signing autographs so if you want a brush with fame just let me know and I'll leave a comment your blog to show everyone.

I don't care what my teachers say

I'm gonna be a model! Sorta.

Not sorta. For reals. Kinda.

Right, so this Brooklyn artist is doing a portrait project called 365 Portraits where he does a photographic portrait of someone every day for a year. I like his work, it's pretty cool, not that I know the first thing about art. I mean, he tends to make people look attractive, which is a plus. Anyway, I'm gonna be one of his portraits at some point in February.

Obviously, this is my first huge break, and I will soon be the most recognized embodiment of an artist's work since Edie Sedgwick and you will all pay me money to come to your stupid parties and silly premieres and it will be even better because I don't look like a horse-dog like Paris Hilton. So hold on your hats and socks because my whirlwind career as a socialite is taking off!

But if not, at least I get a cool picture or two for my myspace profile and the opportinity to say to someone "No, I cannot hang with you this Saturday for I have a modelling gig." That's really payment enough.