Camera Obscura

photo by dwnldth5 via Flickr

So I did something other than sit on my ass last night! Yeah it was pretty cool, I went and saw Camera Obscura at Webster Hall. I also had Mexican and drank a lot of beer.

I wasn't too familiar with their music, but they're very easy to get into. You just have to drink a little, kinda zone, and try not to get depressed. They're really very good. The girl who opened for them, Anni Rossi, is also worth checking out. She sings and plays violin. It's neat.

My friend Sam maybe had a harder time enjoying the concert because of the girl next to him. We were near some speakers or something, and this chick was perched on top, leaning back with legs spread. And apparently she also had Mexican for dinner or maybe Indian because she was just cutting loose. I was thankfully far enough away, but Sam got a faceful of her girlish effluvia every time.

P.S. that's one of my favorite words, and I've used it before. Let's learn:

effluvium [i-floo-vee-uhm]
-noun, plural -via [-vee-uh], -viums
a slight or invisible exhalation or vapor, esp. one that is disagreeable or noxious
[Latin, from effluere, to flow out]

Yeah "to flow out" kinda makes me wanna vomit right now, but whatever. Anyway, you had to be there. Sam's reactions threw me into a laughing fit that lasted a full third of the set.

Right... so Camera Obscura. Quality show.

Failblog

Today at lunch I spilled my drink all over the place, which was really embarassing. Luckily, the girl next to me was super nice and gave me her napkin, which I in turn gave to the mother of the child I spilled my drink all over. Stupid everything.

Moving on, the saddest part about having no life is that I also have no blog. Yesterday I sat at home all day because my friend didn't call me back. Saturday I sat at home all day because it was yucky out and I didn't feel like going furniture browsing. I want fun!

I did go to a birthday party Saturday night for my friend Heather. Her apartment's awesome, naturally, and I sat in the corner by the bar and everyone would come over and talk to me Bert. That worked out nicely. He's good to have around because he will make all of my friends for me and all I have to do is sit there and eat food.

Speaking of sitting there and eating food, that's all I've been doing lately. Twice last week did I have dinner twice. Starvation diet starts now so I can be sexy on pride day and get all the boys.

Speaking of pride day, maybe it'll be fun and put some excitement into my life of Smallville and nachos.

Oh and I'm moving next week!... or starting to. So that'll be fun since I found out I'm moving one block from my boss!

Robotomy

Liver, liver, spleen, spleen,
All my parts that can't be seen.
Please acknowledge my dismay,
That you'll all melt down someday.

Appendix, brain, and beating heart,
I'd like a few replacement parts.
New intestines made of plastic,
Tasteful muscles, nothing drastic.

A dura-stomach, that'd be neat.
With all the crap I tend to eat.
But skip the kidneys if you please.
(A robot hybrid never pees.)

Computer brain hooked in accord,
With wires for a spinal cord.
A stainless steel cranium,
My power source: uranium.

Toss the heart, and don't replace it.
All these changes? Time to face it:
Plastic nose and metal bones,
Guarantee a life alone.

Though to the world I am a freak,
At least I know that I'm unique.
A walking, human-shaped tin can,
The world's only bionic man.

Why Boys Are Hotter in Summer

• Less clothing and darker skin, obvs.
• Everyone's fatter in winter especially me
• T-shirt chest sweat
• Exposed calves with stupid tattoos on them
• Hanging out topless with their t-shirt shoved in their back pocket
• When sometimes there's a guy who has been working out probably less than a year and he's still fascinated with his developing muscles so he discreetly fondles his pectoral but pretends he's just scratching but you can tell he's not
• Arms
• Leaps for the frisbee and you can see their tummy for a sec
• Sunglasses on the head make straight boys look 5% gayer
• Everbody looks like they've just had sex, are about to have sex, or are currently having sex
• They touch each other more for some reason I think maybe
• And lastly THEY'RE EVERYWHERE OMG AAAAAAHHHHHHHHH!!!!

Nerdblog

Last night I was supposed to go to this party. The (why am I admitting this?) Sunnydale High School 10-Year Class Reunion. In case you have a life outside of decade-old television, Sunnydale High is not MY high school, but that of Buffy (the vampire slayer), who graduated at the end of the third season (i.e. June of 1999).

I didn't go because it was sold out because I have better things to do, but that's ok because I heard it was lame.

What I did instead was stay home and play this awesome little video game called Braid by Jonathan Blow. Yeah, Blow.

I can imagine in high school on substitute teacher day: "Blow, Jonathan." "Don't mind if I do!" ... yeah remember how I am 5?

Anyway it's a platformer, and in it you're this guy (Tim) who goes to different worlds collecting puzzle pieces for some reason with the ultimate goal of saving a princess. But you also have the power to reverse time, so if you screw up or die, you don't start over, you just go back. It's a neat mechanic, and it comes into play a lot in puzzle solving. Other worlds have different time-oriented powers like dropping a localized time flux that slows things down inside of it. In another, time goes forward when you walk right and backwards when you walk left.

Blah, I'm not gonna sit here talking forever about a video game, but it's super cool and you all need to play it immediately. (Srsly, it's very short, like a couple hours.) It's a total-package kinda thing, something you don't find very often. The graphics, the esoteric story, the music, all of it comes together to make the more unique gaming experience I've had in a long time. Eat your heart out, post-apocalyptic first-person-shooter of the moment!

In conclusion, go to that god-awful Perez Hilton site and watch Joe Jonas dancing to All My Single Ladies. Or just watch it here.

Everybody Love Parfait

I went to Dunkin Donuts this morning (as every morning), but instead of a donut, I got a coffee bun the size of about 50 coffee buns. Now I have a stomachache and feel bloated. Tonight I'm seeing Shrek: the Musical, and I'm pretty sure it'll be like looking into a mirror for 2 hours.

I really wish someone would sign onto GChat who I can talk sexy with.

Oh look somebody just did:

Ryan: hi

me: What is UP!? Are you ready for tonights SHREKTACULAR performance!?!?!?

Ryan: I don't think I am, my friend

me: What do you mean?

Ryan: I mean, I can BARELY contain my excitement!

me: ... I don't get that one.
But I, for one, am getting OGRE-excited!

Ryan: well, I am going just to go
my expectations are very low
so it its good, that will be a pleasent surprise

me: what you mean to say, I assume is: "if it's good, that will be unexSHREKted!"
HAHAHAHA!
I slay.

That's how I talk sexy.