Dudes, you gotta see this!
My response: "Holy shit, that elephant draws better than I fucking can!"
Showing posts with label art. Show all posts
Showing posts with label art. Show all posts
I bought a new iPod today, so I celebrated at home and it looked like this:
Anyway I know I'm a walking cliche, but that's ACTUALLY ME and it took me about 2 hours to make this crappy imitation so you'd better appreciate it and leave me LOTS OF COMMENTS ABOUT HOW AWESOME I AM AT PHOTOSHOP AND ALSO ART AND IF YOU DON'T I WILL KNOCK DOWN YOUR HOUSE!
Ok I am drunk and I am going to bed now bye.
Inauguration
Hi guys! What have I been doing? Oh, not a lot. Little laundry. Little picture-taking. Little gaining 3 pounds. Oh and I went to a really shitty party last weekend for which the Architect owes me dinner and $90. It would be $100 but I stole his underwear.
The most important thing that happened at work this week was that Timothy passed away. My more loyal fans will remember Timothy Pirhana from last year. He was my dear friend and Lord of the Staple Graveyard, but he died in the field last week while removing a staple.
Actually, he exploded in my hand and it hurt like a bitch. Anyway, I had to make last-minute funeral arrangements and inaugurate his heir.
Timothy Pirhana's Final Hour
Anyway, he's dead now boo hoo I NOW PRESENT HIS HEIR the Mistress of Terror and Lady of the Staple Graveyard: Imogene Olivia Pirhana!
Hail to the Queen!
Isn't she sassy!?! Olivia Pirhana is a vixen!
Beneath those smouldering, heavily-lidded eyes lies a mysterious soul. Olivia Pirhana is a woman of many tastes, but she especially enjoys pain, vodka martinis, and smoking cigarettes with one of those Cruella DeVil holders. She also gets her eyebrows threaded at Pinky's on 6th Ave., that's why they're a little bit crooked.
Anyway, I hope you will all make her welcome. But watch your fingers!
Here is Olivia guarding the Staple Graveyard
That's pretty much all I've been up to. Well, that and taking pictures with my new camera. It's pretty cool. I take a lot of pictures of myself because I am self-absorbed, so I will show you them later.
Respect the Cruller
Ever thought you were doing one thing with one friend on a Saturday night, but it turns out you're hanging out with numerous members of the NYC Watcher's Council, the local Buffy the Vampire Slayer fan club? I have! Now I'm a chartered member of geekdom.
The event was the Buffy the Vampire Slayer Once More With Feeling Sing-Along, which started at freaking midnight and therefore didn't get me home until 3:30. I've never been awake and sober out in the city at that hour. It's an unusual perspective, of which I think I've had enough.
Anyway, the sing-along was super fun even if the audience wasn't very lively. I was singing louder than anyone on the Spike and Giles songs. They fit my range really well and make me feel like a real boy and a rockstar. I bombed the trivia contest because I am the dumbest person I know, so I didn't win the Cordelia "The Wish" action figure. I went home and cried about it because nobody realizes that the turquoise dress/cardigan combo she's wearing in that episode is one of my favorite costumes of the Whedonverse. (Also on the list are Dawn's slutfest get-up from Season 7's "Him"--"What is that dress made of? Paint?"--Anya's bunny suit, and that horrid pink thing Kaylee wears to the ball.)
Yeah... ok, anyway, that's what I did Saturday night. I'm actually proud of myself because I usually shy away from singing in public unless I'm intoxicated, but I really got into it without any chemical assistance. I don't care what you think of me, my Saturday night was cool.
Yesterday, I went to the Frick gallery with a lovely friend from college to remind myself that I don't know shit about art. Luckily, unlike last time when I was on a date with a gorgeous Icelandic boy I really wanted to impress, I didn't worry about being judged by my companion yesterday. I absent-mindedly put a finger on a table at one point and got yelled at by a security guard, but other than that the visit was pleasant and not embarassing.
Now I want to learn something about art history. My goal is that next time I go to an art museum, I want to share at least three (3) facts with whoever I am with even if it's stuff they already know. The best part is that if they're really simple facts, not only are they easy to learn, but also I can say them in such a way that it sounds like I know a lot more but don't want to overload my companion's plebian mind with too much culture. That will mean I finally have class.
I bet this never happened to Degas
I spent a good part of the day doodling a peaceful outer space scene with a sleeping moon and alien and a sweet blue planet and a mysterious head speaking "Shhhhhh" as if it were the celestial hum, and then I ruined it by trying to draw a rocket ship and actually believing it wouldn't look like a giant flaming penis.
I tried shading it to make it more like a rocket, but it just looks like I circumsized it.
Office Art
Ok, here are pictures of my fabulous office art. First the Inspirational Post-Its Series:
Wuzzle Riot
The Gloppies
Hellraiser
You-Know-Who
And introducing Timothy Pirhana:
Don't fuck with Timothy Pirhana!
Click clack snip snap
Hooray, it's up! To the right is me, as presented by Bill Wadman, the super-cool, super-nice photographer I met with yesterday.
It's part of his 365 Portraits project, and you are all required to go to the site and leave him a comment praising his talent and my attractiveness because I don't want to be the only picture that doesn't get any attention.
Oh, right, I dyed my hair red, that's not been altered. If you want to comment specifically on that, do it here. I don't think he cares. Other features of this picture include my suntan (an upgrade from Casper to Rose McGowan), the way my new hair makes it look like I'm always wearing eyeliner, and the blue scaffolding screens the mayor hung special to bring out my eyes, which are actually blue-green so he has failed me.
Anyway, so check it out. I like a lot of his portraits because they're bright and contrasty and make my eyes dance, so look around the rest of the site. April 15th is my new secret lover. In April 26th, you will find a picture of my cat. February 21st is my favorite one of all. And March 12th is what I think of you.
I am on the cutting edge of art because I stole the office scissors
Today at work I made art. I drew a picture on a post-it of an angry wuzzle (like a fuzzball or soot sprite, but with arms, legs, and antennae, this was a common doodle of mine back in school). He is angry because morale is low, so he has mean eyebrows and also I took a staple and bent it all funny and poked it through the paper where his hand is, so it looks like he's carrying a little crowbar. "KILL THE BEAST!" And then I got scissors and made a set of eyes with eyebrows to tape on my staple remover so it looks like an evil piranha demon, it's so awesome. I'm gonna go to the supply cabinet in a minute to see if there's a red sharpie so I can put blood on his teeth. I can't wait to find some staples to remove!
I also got a lot of cataloging done too, so don't go running off to tell the Powers That Be (sometimes known as the Powers That We Wish Weren't) about my laziness because I'm allowed a 20 minute break like everyone else, and this took me way less time.
Anyway, after work I'm gonna search for my camera battery charger so hopefully I'll be able to take pictures of my art for tomorrow. They're for sale. If you want one, it's $300. I think this is going to be my new project, I'm going to make adorable angry things out of office supplies and display them all over my desk.
Ok, so there's no red sharpie in the cabinet, but I found the thumbtacks motherlode, and I'm thinking Hellraiser or some sort of angry porcupine thing, so I gotta go.
Glitter and Macaroni
Remember a couple entries ago when I mentioned that I don't know anything about anything? Yeah, and a couple before that when I mentioned I had no class? Right, cool. Keep those thoughts in your head and then imagine me at the Spanish Art Exhibit at the Guggenheim today.
I know zero, absolutely, about art. I don't know who paints what, I don't know what pictures are supposed to represent, and I especially can't tell the difference between what's good and what sucks.
Actually, I should give myself a little credit. I know some things. I can identify Rothko because it's just a bunch of stupid squares. Picasso's pretty obvious. I know him because I always see his work and want to say "Ah, miss, your eye. Your eye is drooping again, shall I show you to the ladies room?" But that's it.
So today, I'm walking up the giant seashell looking at the nice pictures and reading the walls along the way, and I'm trying my super hardest to think of something intelligent to notice, but all my brain did was categorize them into two main groups and a couple subgroups.
The main groups were "Paintings that Look Like Something" and "Paintings that Only Sorta Look Like Something." Within the latter group, each work was either "Looks Like a Person" or "Looks like a Food, Sheep's Skull, or Nothing." Within the first group ("Paintings that Look Like Something"), it was either "Contains Exposed Breasts and/or Midgets" or "Doesn't."
As you can expect, the only things I thought of to say were along the lines of "She's totally falling out of her top" or "Wow, that's a lot of grapes" or "Man, imagine sitting for 8 hours while someone paints you and then having it look like that." I mostly kept my thoughts to myself.
So, try as I might, I learned absolutely nothing about Spanish art today. And of course, there were tons of people around me who were all "Yes, clearly Picasso was employing this technique" and "Hmmm, indeed, it would seem that this is a new paradigm for Cotán" and "Hobbity-hob-hob-hob..." so that made me feel real good.
It wasn't the exhibit's fault. They had some prime information on the walls, though I sadly had no context through which to interpret it. Don't get me wrong, some of the pieces were really great to look at, and I had a really nice time, but as we walked through, I thought more and more how I'd probably be better of with a nice rubber ball or maybe a four-piece jigsaw puzzle with a duck on it.
Because I know about ducks. They say 'quack' and waddle around. I can relate to that.
I don't care what my teachers say
I'm gonna be a model! Sorta.
Not sorta. For reals. Kinda.
Right, so this Brooklyn artist is doing a portrait project called 365 Portraits where he does a photographic portrait of someone every day for a year. I like his work, it's pretty cool, not that I know the first thing about art. I mean, he tends to make people look attractive, which is a plus. Anyway, I'm gonna be one of his portraits at some point in February.
Obviously, this is my first huge break, and I will soon be the most recognized embodiment of an artist's work since Edie Sedgwick and you will all pay me money to come to your stupid parties and silly premieres and it will be even better because I don't look like a horse-dog like Paris Hilton. So hold on your hats and socks because my whirlwind career as a socialite is taking off!
But if not, at least I get a cool picture or two for my myspace profile and the opportinity to say to someone "No, I cannot hang with you this Saturday for I have a modelling gig." That's really payment enough.
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