Best Hannukkah Ever

It has now been two weeks, and my Jonathan Taylor Thomas poster has still not arrived. But fear not! I have something even better! I got the bestest Hannukkah gift ever last week from my friend Eric! Are you ready?

The XENA:WARRIOR PRINCESS ALA READ POSTER!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! omg

Ever since my coworker gave me the Xena bookmarks from the American Library Association's Celebrity Read campaign (she found them in an old pile of stuff that had been around for years) I've wanted the matching poster to grace my wall, but it was impossible to find! They only have the new ones with like Twilight and Ice Cube and William H. Macy (like yeah, I'm a delinquent teenager and I'll start reading because I wanna be JUST LIKE WILLIAM H. MACY!)

Anyway, I got an Andrew Shue one on eBay, but nothing compares to my Xena poster. I was SO HAPPY, and I made him tell me how he got it. He actually CALLED ALA and the girl he talked to said they had just done inventory and found some old Xena posters and that she'd send him one if he sent her a check. So yeah. Awesome, right!?! It says "Vanquish ignorance. READ."

Now I just need the Buffy poster ("Slay ignorance. READ.") and I just read on a Xena gossip site that there may have been a Gabrielle poster, so I want that too. "Hit ignorance with your stick thing. READ."

I think I've now officially talked about Xena in this blog more than any other one thing. OH and speaking of awesome gifts, Kev got me this little set of stuff to trick out my DS with Super Princess Peach! It had stickers and a cleaning cloth and a retractable pen stylus all in pink so now my DS is glamorous.

P.S. I didn't blog at all last week because I had this miserable cold that made being creative nigh impossible, not that my blog is very creative, especially right now. Anyway, my plan for this week is to finally reformat my home computer so I can get photoshop working so I can get the photos off my camera to I can take a picture of my awesome Xena READ poster for all to see.

The Adventures

Hi, I had an exciting weekend with almost NO INTERNET! I went to a party Friday where I was the token social outcast, but I met some people and then randomly ran into ALL of them the following night where I was less awkward yet embarassingly WEARING THE EXACT SAME THING because I left the house Saturday morning expecting to just go to the park for a couple hours by myself but ended up having lunch out and dinner with Brian who finally called me back after like 2 weeks I mean 50 years. Whatever.

Sunday after a lovely day of MoMA and dinner at Cafeteria, I went home and watched the end of season one of Xena, where Gabrielle DIED and Xena totally lost her mind and was crying and freaking out so I started crying and freaking out, and Xena was beating on her body refusing to accept her death, and then her She-Ra strength jump-started Gabrielle's heart so I started crying again. To conclude, I have serious emotional problems because I can go to a Holocaust exhibit and hear about the torture and murder of millions of real people and think "Yeah yeah, what else ya got?" but as soon as Gabrielle or Buffy's mom die or even that lesbian in that crappy BBC show about witches, suddenly I need a blanket and a tissue and a razor blade.

Ooh, and I never told you about Thursday! On Thursday, Xena got shot with a poison dart and was weakened, so Gabrielle had to impersonate her to help a town defeat an evil overlord, but she got found out. DRAMA! And then Xena DIED, and Gabrielle did all she could to convince them to let her leave with Xena's body, but the evil overlord was going to draw and quarter it. Little did he know, however, that one of the horses he was using was Xena's, and the horse conspired with the other horses through a series of meaningful glances to not run no matter how much they were whipped. It was the most poignant expression of stalwart heroism in media history. Anyway, it turns out Xena wasn't dead, but rather allowed herself to slip into a voluntary coma in order to fully allow her body to battle the toxin. In the end, Xena told Gabrielle how touching it was that Gabrielle risked her life to bring Xena's body back home, and I cried then too.

Ok now that I've effectively lost my entire readership, let me announce that I'm going to Chicago for a week and a half and getting laser eye surgery, and I probably won't be on the internet at all but wish me luck and prepare to be so jealous of me when I return and can see like a hawk. I plan to have such good eyesight that I can see every pore in a person's face from across a dark bar and will therefore never be attracted to another man as long as I live.

IT'S LIKE A HEAT WAVE! BURNIN' IN MY HEART!

I'm going to tell you a story called this morning I fought my way through a throng of A-cup Jonas Brothers fans and their unemployed moms and confronted an NYPD cop trying to stop me from entering work though I had practically shoved my ID into his (rather chiseled and dreamy) face ONLY TO GET TO MY OFFICE and find out the air conditioning's broken and it's like 80 degrees in here.

My first thought was "Oh, I never noticed we don't have windows to open, probably because of the abundance of natural lighting from those skylights we have." My second thought was "Oh good I can't wait until noon when the sunlight turns this place into a real live sauna only without the free sex!"

So while I suffocate, let me tell you another story called last night on Xena, Xena and Gabrielle teamed up with the King of Thieves who looked like an ugly Matt Dillon to steal a chest that contained a powerful weapon. Xena pretended to be a whore, which was neat because she kissed a long-haired guy I liked and then blah blah blah and at the end the chest had a light inside the set you on fire if you ran away, and it turns out the chest was the Ark of the Covenant.

And so Xena brought the Ten Commandments down to the Jews, who were homeless people on an ox cart. I recently started reading the Bible (for literary purposes), and I'm up to the second plague of Egypt, but I think I can skip ahead past the rest of the Moses part because that's obvs not how it really happened, THANKS XENA FOR SETTING ME RIGHT!

Ok from now I'm going to tell you all about that happened in Xena after I watch it 12 years after it aired.

Lastly before I spontaneously combust here is a picture of my cat I took last night.