Selling It

Regarding my boring not-fit-to-blog life, David told me to sell it, to SELL the paint drying, so that is what I am going to do. Please give me $50 to continue reading.

This is my stuffed Wailord, the baleen whale Pokemon, flying in from the west. He is a stuffed animal Kevin gave me because he knows good friends are the ones that give the most presents. Right now Wailord is guardian of my pirated DVD's.

Wailord is enormous, which reminds me of this woman at the gym today. She was at the bench next to me laying on it with her legs in the air doing crunches and she had this big ol' chick butt, right, and I went over to rack some dumbbells and get smaller ones because I am a pitiful weaking when she farted right there with her ass in the air!

It was so loud I thought Jesus was coming back but then I realized what happened and was able to save myself from falling to my knees. I didn't want to go back over to my bench so I just pretended to look at the weights for a while when I realized the weights I wanted were on the rack right next to her butt so I decided to do another exercise instead.

I dunno why when that happens everyone's supposed to keep quiet and pretend they didn't notice because it's so awkward that way and it's not OUR fault, so anyway any normal person would have the decency to run away crying but not her, she just kept on crunching, which I guess I'm supposed to respect but I just don't. At least she wasn't doing squats.

Right so moving on these next three pictures represent the TOTALLY AWESOME BORING STUFF I DID LAST NIGHT:

I read a book with my cat.

I ate this sandwich. (Foot-longs at Subway are just $5 for a limited time only!)

I organized my comic books and caught up because I was a few months behind in reading. I'd just like to say that if the Buffy series doesn't freaking quit it with the over-the-top ridiculous Dracula crap I'm doing to quit reading them, just kidding I'm too much of a fanboy to quit so I'll just go over there and do violence on the writers.

BANG like that!!!

Oh my God, I can't believe I read comic books... it just sort of occured to me...

Celebrity Hard-On: May 2008

Last night I watched a shitty movie called Zerophilia in which this not-quite-cute-enough guy who's a douchebag has this genetic disorder where he turns into a girl when he has sex. And then he turns into a boy if he has sex again. It's a cute idea made shitty by being realized as a cheap romantic comedy that's neither romantic nor comical. My favorite part was sexy Kyle Schmid, this month's Celebrity Hard-On, whose illustrious acting credits include that Blood Ties show about vampires and an episode of Degrassi.

Here he is looking hot:

Here he is making me jealous of his hair:

Anyway, he's pretty much beautiful and has the most perfect body, so today I went to the gym so I can be just like him. It didn't really work, but I feel good about it anyway. Maybe by the end of the week I'll have an acting career too. I hope to be in an episode of Blood Ties as well, followed by a brief 4 or 5 episode run in Gossip Girl before moving on to Cinemax softcore porn. When I hit my thirties, I will be appearing in Lifetime Original Movies alongside Amy Jo Johnson, whom I will force to sign all my Power Rangers paraphernalia.

Ok that's all that's new with me lately except that also I kick ass at Mario Kart Wii.

I am a buff mountain man

I did it! I went to the gym yesterday at 3:30ish and it was toto empty and I had the greatest workout ever! It was fun, and there were still some sexy guys around, but it didn't bother me because they seemed like good people. The kind of people who understand that everyone has to start somewhere.

Plus, no matter how stupid I looked, there was a guy there who looked stupider, and I could see other people looking at him like an idiot. He was really beefy and into himself, and he kept flexing in the mirror, and when he would lift, it was all stuff that was way to heavy for him, so it was all GRUNT, UNNNNGH, AAAAAAAH, ONE! And he'd count out loud to make sure we all knew how good he was. I was kinda hoping he would drop something on his foot, but he didn't.

Then this douchebaggy, chubby Korean kid decided to bask in his reflected manhood and started talking to him about sports, but it didn't work, he didn't look any manlier.

Anyway, back to how awesome I am. You wouldn't believe it because I even had no trouble doing my triceps kickbacks. Those are always the last thing I do on arm day, and I get really nervous for them because I'm tired by then and I suck at the exercise as it is because I have no triceps muscles and also sometimes I fall down. But yesterday I was like WHOOSH and I did them all no problem! It was incredible, I looked in the mirror and thought "Whoa, didn't that guy star in Troy??? Oh, no wait, that's just me."

Anyway don't be jealous that I look like this:

and you look like this:

Today is legs and butt day.