Famous Last Words

Y'all thought I wasn't writing anymore I bet, right? But don't worry, I would never sign off for keeps without some final words.

And I'm not going anywhere yet. In fact, it was someone else's final words that brought me back. I've found my muse again, and this time, my muse really is a hot chick in a white dress who lives in my brain and maintains a stranglehold on my creative center. Her name is Jennifer Check. See, here she is:

If you haven't seen Jennifer's Body then I officially don't know what you are waiting for. This movie's got everything: Beav from Veronica Mars, Chloe's hot one-episode boyfriend from Smallville, and uhhh... Amanda Seyfried of Mean Girls fame (we pretend Mamma Mia never happened.) Also there's Megan Fox as Jennifer Check. See, here she is again:

If you're wondering why she's always covered in blood and burning her tongue while talking on her pink phone, it's because she is possessed by a demon and eats boys. Only boys... though she does experiment, but the bicurious anthropophagy doesn't really go over well.

Anyway she's all slang and sass and a 10" waist so that's why this movie is awesome unless you take it seriously.

Right. So it sounds totally stupid, but for years I've always had a fictional, excessively-skinny woman in my brain as sort of a... well, as I said, muse -- someone who's fierceness I keep as a reference source. (People don't say fierce anymore, do they? I'm super glad about that, but it's the only word I can think of right now.) Anyway, now Jennifer Check is that woman so now you know my idiotic secret. Anyone got a tampon?

So anyway.... I haven't left you forever, I am here, see? My last words are a ways off, but now I know what they are. I've always believed that one day I will die of a heart attack after eating a million cheeseburgers, so you will know I am not coming back when I wince in pain, grab my chest and echo Jennifer Check's immortal parting exclamation: "unnh... my tit..."

Also, I want that written on my tombstone, thx.