I forgot to tell you about yesterday when I was walking down the sidewalk to lunch with my coworker and there were a million people about (because it's Midtown) and this woman in her sixties (probably fifties) came up behind us trying to walk all fast. I saw her in my keen peripheral vision, but before I could even react to get out of her way she was all "Jesus Christ...." under her breath like "why aren't these people catering to my every whim?" I'm thinking HELLO your line is "excuse me" you entitled little harpie! Luckily I was feeling good and felt like giving some back, so as I moved I said "Oh I'm sorry, I didn't realize you were in such a hurry." Then she rounded on me and said "I have a JOB! Maybe one day you'll get a job and then you'll understand!"
Clever retorts exploded into my brain like my muse had this huge, epic O, but they were overshadowed by my coworker and I doubling over in laughter. She walked on and didn't look back, at which point my coworker and I started talking about how she probably thought I didn't have a job because I was wearing jeans. (That's a tardy conclusion, btw, nevermind the fact that no self-respecting 20-something would ever be caught dead hanging around midtown at 1:30 in the afternoon unless they worked there.)
Anyway, since my jeans made me unemployed, we decided that her leopard print trenchcoat, bleached hair, and black leggings made her a washed-out Russian hooker late on her way to blow some John on his lunch break. Some people get ALL the class, you know?
So yeah if you meet some trussed-up old banshee from the softer side of Sears who invokes Christ instead of showing some manners, you can tell H.R.H. I said hi and that I apologize for brushing up against her fetching red pleather handbag as she shoved my layabout ass aside.