It happened! This morning I officially became the Foursquare Mayor of my corner Starbucks! Honestly: sort of disappointing.
I was hoping for a lot more pomp around the occasion, but I chickened out from showing the girl at the register how cool I am. I will probably tell Latte Boy tonight. He will care.
Anyway, I have a look-alike and he needs to die. Last week I went in, and the barista working was all "Grande quad macchiato, right?" and I was like "Uh, no." He said, "That's not what you always get?" and I replied, "No, never!" I was aghast because anyone who needs 4 shots of Starbucks' sweet, sweet crude obviously has some Vampire Diaries circulation issues going on inside.
That's when the kid (he has a proper nickname, but it's racist so I'm censoring) told me I look exactly (exactly!) like someone else who comes into the shop all the time. Then he got everyone else working to agree.
So today, a different barista (without a nickname) took my order and then fulfilled the Starbucks Corporation's deluded attempt to make us believe they are a feel-good, neighborhood coffee shop by asking my name for the order. But instead of asking like he should have done, he showed off with: "It's Brian, right?"
"No."
"What? Are you sure?"
"YES I AM SURE OF MY OWN NAME NOT BEING BRIAN!"
So he also went off on how much I look like (apparently) Brian. That's when Looks Like My Ex-Boyfriend Guy, who was there for the original incident, said to No Nickname Guy: "Yeah, someone else did this to him last week" in a tone that further communicated "so just go make his damn drink." I appreciated that. Looks Like My Ex-Boyfriend Guy has always been one of my favorites, and now I like him 12% more. I said to him, "I really want to see what this asshole looks like." He said, "It's true; you two look really similar."
So if you have any leads, I'd like this kid out of the picture as soon as possible. Here's what I know:
- His name is Brian
- He looks like me
- Either:
- He cannot maintain a healthy sleep schedule, OR,
- He is a vampire who walks in the day
The moral of the story is this is the first time I've been confused with someone male, so I guess it's not all bad.