It's Liquid Diet Day!
Coffee for breakfast, frozen hot chocolate for lunch, pink lemonade for snacktime (in progress), and probably one of those Vivanno smoothies with the hunger-defying protein powder for dinner! And if Latte Boy (not to be confused with Sexy Latte Boy) is working tonight, I'll probably get a $2 frappuccino on the way home.
Anyway, I've been inverting the food pyramid semi-professionally since 1982, so it's not like this is any great accomplishment. I just thought you should all know about it.
Now I will tell you about Latte Boy.
Long-time fans of this blog will be aware of a quasi-permanent fixture in my life: Sexy Latte Boy. Sexy Latte Boy is any boy who satisfies all of the following conditions:
- Pushes coffee
- Is sexy
- Is of ambiguous sexuality
- Is friendly enough to make me love him but not friendly enough to prove he loves me back
- I don't know his name
At present, there is no Sexy Latte Boy on the radar. The last one disappeared from my corner Starbucks months ago, which is.... actually, I don't want to talk about it.
So Latte Boy is something completely different. "Latte Boy" is an honorary title I have bestowed upon Latte Boy, this guy who works evenings at my corner Starbucks, talks to me like we're friends, and is cute in a seriously queeny way. He's one of those naturally charismatic people I've never understood, and he makes me feel good about myself. Despite the conspicuous lack of "Sexy" in his title (the stipulations of the Sexy Latte Boy moniker demand it), I'm actually very attracted to him, but don't tell my friend Ryan because he will make fun of me.
Anyway, I like pretending we're really going to be friends one day. He likes my Safari Jacket, which he saw when I came in on my way back from the dry cleaners. That is vital. He remembered how I had to take the day off work yesterday even though I had told him 3 days earlier, but most importantly, he likes to say things like "$2.35 sounds like a good price" when I am buying $6 drinks.
So ok that's who Latte Boy is. You can't have him.