Last night I had a very long, very vivid sex dream about the Matriarch Benezia.
In case you do not know how retarded this is, here is a picture of the Matriarch Benezia:
Yes. Not only is she totally old, but she is also a BLUE VIDEO GAME ALIEN CHICK DRESSED LIKE MALEFICENT who takes us back to 2005 to ask the question: "Whatcha gonna do with all that breast [by which I mean] all that breast inside that shirt?"
I do not know where to begin. I've had girl sex dreams before. I've even had a sci-fi sex dream before where I had my way with a space marine I held at (ray)gunpoint. But this conflagration of lame pervertedness is unacceptable, and I refuse to sit idly while my subconscious plays holodeck at the expense of my self-respect.
You may be wondering if I happened to play my space video games for infinity hours this weekend and the answer is "MAYBE!" but I also did supercool human being things like see an opera, learn choreography to a Spice Girls song, and eat like... three giant wedges of cheese. Yes, it is for these things that I pay New York real estate prices.
The point is, I am a happening dude who all the boys love -- you can find them in my yard near the milkshake machine (GO AWAY, 2005!) -- so I do not need to get my jollies (yuck) with evil, post-menopausal sorceresses... FROM SPACE! This is not a fantasy of mine, so you can all keep being my friend. I don't even know why I brought this up in the first place. In conclusion, the only alien chick I would sleep with is Isobel from Roswell and only if she made me, which she totally would.